..listen to these words, read my thoughts..

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

edited my blogskin again. i'm trying out this screams of a butterfly concept. i'm crazy about butterflies so this picture really touched me. i love how her eyes are wide open in shock yet something about her face and hair gives the picture a very soft touch. the butterfly in her mouth appeals to me though i don't really know why. can u imagine a butterfly screaming? hey just coz we can't hear it doesn't mean that they don't. i guess i'd like to think of myself as a butterfly screaming, wondering if anyone would ever hear me. hence, the name of my blog "screams of a butterfly". i added the pic and text myself. i wanted something original and individual. something i can relate to... *grr.. grrr..* that was my stomach growling. i'm so hungry. didnt have any breakfast.. :(

i had a dream yesterday. i was in a bedroom with huge windows from ceiling to floor. it was dark outside. sometimes when it gets cloudy at nite, the sky seems to turn a deep red. the atmosphere was the same in my dream. there was a man sleeping on a mattress on the floor. there were two beds in the room adjacent to each other in an L-shaped formation. the layout was kinda like my room except the floor was completely bare. i don't know who the man is. then my mother appeared. she was looking towards the window. i looked up to where she was looking. through the window grilles, i saw a white cloth hanging from the top grille. the deep red sky outside illuminated it causing it to look bloodstained. then my mother said out loud "who's that? wear your clothes properly and show yourself!". the cloth unfolded into a long nightgown and this lady with long, straight, and unruly jet-black hair was in it. she was floating high above the floor near the window. it scared the shit outta me! i remembered my mum asking her "is this the father of your child?" gesturing to the sleeping man. the lady flew down towards the man and her appearance changed. she no longer looked menacing and threatening. she sat down just beside the man hugging her knees close to her body. she now had a porcelain face lined with tears that fell from her eyes. she looked really sad, hurt and vulnerable. i don't remember what happened next....

all i know is that i woke up and my eyes were teary. i don't know what the dream means. but it scared me. my dreams in general never made any sense. there are times where i would wake up crying, i would suddenly scream in my sleep, i would grit my teeth so hard my jaws would hurt in the morning, or i would wake up and find scratches on my baby's face whenever he's around. i'm not one to read a lot into dreams but i admit my dreams do scare me sometimes...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
2:56 AM