..listen to these words, read my thoughts..

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

aah!! haven't blogged for a week!! my internet at home's down. plus all the calling and presentation last week left me physically drained. so many things to say so little time. let's start at the beginning of last week..

so i had to do nite calling on tuesday. i actually like it. its so much more peaceful and pleasant. the environment i mean, not the customers. time passed by faster too.. technically, its coz nite shift people work lesser hours. now my shoulders and back have been aching from sitting in front of the pc all the time. i really need a good massage.

wednesday's fashion show was a disaster. a complete waste of time. seriously, we could do so much better than those 'artistry professionals'. they look more like amateurs to me. what's the deal with putting blusher on guys? hello!? you're supposed to use bronzer. that's like the number one rule for putting makeup on guys. we bailed out of that place as soon as we could. at least there was some good out of it all. the mua girls did get together and bonded over supper at bugis. that was fun. we were all openly criticising the entire fashion show.

thursday and friday were spent preparing for friday's presentation. it turned out fine. i was a little nervous at first but i pulled through. consolidating all the reports on friday was a nightmare! a record 10 agents were on medical leave. 10 agents!! on the busiest day of the week!! it was hell i tell you. so much for going home on time. we team leaders only got to leave at almost 6pm. at least after that i could just toss it all aside and enjoy quality time with my dearie. we went to catch 'the brothers grimm' at marina. it was so cool. the idea of combining all the fairy tales that you read when you were just kids, giving it a dark twist and voila! you got a great movie!! there's a dark humour that surrounds this movie. it makes me wanna read all the fairy tales all over again.

marina square is huge now. there's so many cool and funky shops that are popping up there. i bought a green butterfly necklace and some beaded bracelets. i love the shop that sold the butterfly necklace. its jewellery are one of a kind pieces and extremely limited. you know i'm crazy about anything with butterflies. the bracelets were from rastafari. they've got a new outlet there. ya man!! its a great place to hang out. i'm really looking forward to going there again.

saturday i went for a barbeque with my parents at my mum's friend's house. my mum's friend has a daughter at nyp too and we chatted while our mothers were busy with all the other 'makciks'. i took a bus to newton to meet my baby after that. the poor darling.. he injured his ankle while playing soccer a his company tournament that day and he was limping all the way. he surely had a hard time riding the bike. his ankle was swollen pretty bad. after our seafood dinner i called my dad to come pick us up. there's no way i'm gonna let him get on that bike with his leg like that. we left the bike at newton and went home in my dad's rented car. i put an ice pack straight away once we reached home. he took my mum's painkillers to help him sleep.

sunday i accompanied him to the doctor. the bloody clinic was closed when we got there. it pissed me off that he had to go all the way to the airport to see the company doctor and hand in his mc. i mean he's limping for god's sake!! and limp he did up and down the bus all the way to the airport. he didn't want to waste 20 bucks on cab fare. being the strong supportive girl that i am, i stood by his side. the doctor said his ligaments were stretched. if they were torn he would have had to go to the hospital. he had 2 days mc and the nurse taught me how to bandage his ankle. i kept teasing him about how a snail can crawl faster than he can walk. i wasn't trying to be mean. i just wanted to make him laugh.

i took mc yesterday to take care of him. so what? i've got another 4 days of mc to clear. we got the bike back and went to bedok corner to eat our favourite chicken rice. we got free movie tickets by taking a tour around california fitness. still haven't used it yet. we'll save it for another day. movie tickets are expensive nowadays.

today i'm goin for dinner with my godsis whose pregnant. haven't seen her in a long time. she must be huge now. can't wait to see her. after that i'm going to devil's bar to watch tasha perform for devil's idol semi-finals. go tasha!! remember girl, i'm your number one fan!! okay that's about it. gotta get back to calling now..

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
2:01 AM

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

its week 5. i'm halfway through the last round of tep. yesss!!! can't wait to get it over and done with. then i can go bag to classical. see all my wonderful classmates again. go for lectures and tutorials. or i can just skip them if i don't want to. that would just great. for now, i'm waiting for wednesday. i'll get my allowance then and i've got a lot of stuff to do. there's a fashion show me and the mua girls are attending on wednesday nite courtesy of ricky from ca associates. really excited about it. haven't quite figured out what i wanna wear yet. hmm... that's another dilemma. what should you wear to a fashion show? time to raid my wardrobe. perhaps me and him could go for a movie sometime this week. we're planning on having our favourite seafood dinner at newton. its been a while since we had bbq stingray, deep fried baby squid, and kailan with oyster sauce. mmmm.... heavenly....

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
12:50 AM

Thursday, September 15, 2005

oh my god!! this calling business is really taking its toll. i don't wanna be pessimistic about it but seriously, 120 calls a day? 40 completed updates daily? how is anyone supposed to come up with that number? its just so unrealistic. i've only got 8 completed updates so far when the actual target to date is 100. that's bad. curse you tep!!!! arrgh!!!! all that calling is depriving me of my personal time to blog. with my pc at home going bonkers everytime, i'm quite pissed off about it. i'm really tempted to just take the numbers of all those mean people and make prank calls to them. that'll teach them not to be rude ever again..

i'm hungry. haven't been eating well lately. my pockets are a little empty at the moment. i've got $5 bucks left till who knows when. its ok. it'll be like i'm dieting. no breakfast, just lunch and maybe dinner. that's ok right? hmm.. yeah.. maybe...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
12:07 AM

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

ohh... *groans in agony* my tummy hurts. me and my two brothers are sick today. me and hendra's been stricken with a bout of diarrhea. its terrible i tell you. really, really terrible. hendri's got sore eyes plus a slight fever. he gets 2 days mc. the lucky devil.. i feel so grossed out. i've been practically living in the toilet since early morning. latest count was 7 times. ewww.. i know, its disgusting. i could be more specific with details but i'll spare you the torture.

first my dad sent me and hendri to the doctor in the morning. we saw the doctor, got our medicine, bought breakfast to go and ate at home (my fault coz the toilet's calling again). when we got home, hendra called from school. he wants to go home coz he's been shitting his ass off at school. the poor dear. i can't imagine how it'd be like if i had actually made it to school this morning. i'd probably park myself in the confines of the toilet cubicle with my pants down just in case it comes out again. anyway, my dad picked him up from school and brought him home.

the moral of the story is... if one of your kids don't feel well, don't send all of them to school. round up the whole lot and take them to the family doctor. save you the trouble of goin back to their school and fetching them one by one. and always let mum know about it. you don't wanna know what mum will do if she doesn't about it. time to take my medicine again. charcoal tablets.. yummy..

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
6:30 AM

Sunday, September 11, 2005

i don't understandwhy he's so pissed off at me. what the hell did i do wrong? he's leaving for malacca tomorrow morning. some soccer trip. if this is how he wants it to be, then fine. go on. leave that way. of all the weekends, he chose this weekend to have an attitude. for god's sake its a saturday!! you're off today and i don't have anything on. we should be spending our precious time together. instead, this cold war is suddenly happening. its such a waste. you really wanna be this way? i bet you just can't wait to go. its ok.... go ahead. do whatever you want. i'm not gonna stop you. as if i could ever stop you from doing anything. i don't wanna think about it anymore. hope you're happy....

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
6:47 AM

Saturday, September 10, 2005

where is the moment when you need it the most

you kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

they tell me your blue skies fade to grey

they tell me your passion's gone away

and I don't need to carry on

you stand in the line just to hit a new low

you're faking a smile with the coffee to go

you tell me your life's been way off line

you're falling to pieces everytime

cause you had a bad day

you're taking one down

you sing a sad song just to turn it around

you say you don't know

you tell me don't lie

you work at a smile and you go for a ride

you had a bad day

the camera don't lie

you're coming back down and you really don't mind

you had a bad day

well you need a blue sky holiday

the point is they laugh at what you say

sometimes the system goes on the blink

and the whole thing turns out wrong

you might not make it back and you know

that you could be well oh that strong

and I'm not wrong

a short improvised version of daniel powter's bad day. coz i'm having a bad day today. woke up late. bag still not packed yet. shoes didn't fit properly. left my house late. missed the train. had to take a cab. fucking atm machine had no tens so i couldn't withdraw my twenty. had to go find another atm machine to get my freakin twenty bucks. walked all the way back to the taxi stand. bloody cab fare cost me ten bucks. ten bucks!! from sembawang to nyp!!! ten bucks!!! unbelievable! its usually about 6 to 7 bucks tops.

sorry, i don't mean to swear at the shit-ass cabby. i mean he was tryin to be nice but i'm in a rush man! i don't wanna hear your small talk or have a lil chit-chat about the god-damn traffic. i've gotta get to school!! couldn't you tell from my stone-cold face? still, he was nice enough to wish me a nice day. i appreciated that coz at this point i really need it. got off the cab and raced to get to the lift before it went up. who should i bump into in the lift other than.... ying jia!! she had a bad morning too. her train was a complete nightmare. the doors wouldn't open at all the stations for a very long time. she forgot her lanyard too. all in all, we walked in our office at 8.37. great 7 minutes late.

furthermore, today we're supposed to start calling up customers for our client-based project. now i'll really have to get my act together. i'm so not in the mood to meet bad customers. especially over the phone. i've got a makeup photoshoot later after school. gosh! there's like ten million things to do today. and there's ten million more things that can go wrong! hope i'll survive the day. its friday.. i'm surprised its not friday the 13th...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
1:21 AM

Friday, September 09, 2005

i don't know what's up with today. its so cold and grey outside. kinda like my mood. its on a rollercoaster ride right now. i feel down and out. and hell, it really shows. i'm sorry if i've offended anyone today. its nothing personal, i'm just somber. maybe its pms. arrgh!! i don't know. i've been really snappy and irritated by every little thing. i guess maybe that's why i work better alone. i mean hey, if u wanna do everything on your own go ahead. u don't need me sitting there like a dumb dog at your beck and call. why bother asking me for my opinion if u don't give a damn what i think or what i say? ok i'm digressing.. sorry.. i'm really bummed out.. i want my baby. he's the only one that can make me feel better.. :( please help me!!!

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
1:30 AM

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

edited my blogskin again. i'm trying out this screams of a butterfly concept. i'm crazy about butterflies so this picture really touched me. i love how her eyes are wide open in shock yet something about her face and hair gives the picture a very soft touch. the butterfly in her mouth appeals to me though i don't really know why. can u imagine a butterfly screaming? hey just coz we can't hear it doesn't mean that they don't. i guess i'd like to think of myself as a butterfly screaming, wondering if anyone would ever hear me. hence, the name of my blog "screams of a butterfly". i added the pic and text myself. i wanted something original and individual. something i can relate to... *grr.. grrr..* that was my stomach growling. i'm so hungry. didnt have any breakfast.. :(

i had a dream yesterday. i was in a bedroom with huge windows from ceiling to floor. it was dark outside. sometimes when it gets cloudy at nite, the sky seems to turn a deep red. the atmosphere was the same in my dream. there was a man sleeping on a mattress on the floor. there were two beds in the room adjacent to each other in an L-shaped formation. the layout was kinda like my room except the floor was completely bare. i don't know who the man is. then my mother appeared. she was looking towards the window. i looked up to where she was looking. through the window grilles, i saw a white cloth hanging from the top grille. the deep red sky outside illuminated it causing it to look bloodstained. then my mother said out loud "who's that? wear your clothes properly and show yourself!". the cloth unfolded into a long nightgown and this lady with long, straight, and unruly jet-black hair was in it. she was floating high above the floor near the window. it scared the shit outta me! i remembered my mum asking her "is this the father of your child?" gesturing to the sleeping man. the lady flew down towards the man and her appearance changed. she no longer looked menacing and threatening. she sat down just beside the man hugging her knees close to her body. she now had a porcelain face lined with tears that fell from her eyes. she looked really sad, hurt and vulnerable. i don't remember what happened next....

all i know is that i woke up and my eyes were teary. i don't know what the dream means. but it scared me. my dreams in general never made any sense. there are times where i would wake up crying, i would suddenly scream in my sleep, i would grit my teeth so hard my jaws would hurt in the morning, or i would wake up and find scratches on my baby's face whenever he's around. i'm not one to read a lot into dreams but i admit my dreams do scare me sometimes...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
2:56 AM

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

the trip to sentosa was a blast!! we had loads and loads of fun. really enjoyed swimming and tanning with the mua girls. haha!! i got my tan. though i got a little burn at my chest. oh well.. haha!! here's some of the pics we took. it'll just crack u up.. we took pics of everything, our hands, feet, body parts, even the scene at the beach.. enjoy!!!

rain...

or shine.....

we had a great time..

we took our hands...

our feet..

fingers...

limbs..

faces..

other body parts..

now comes our vogue shots..

i've got a flower in my hair!

dreamy sexy babes..

don't touch!

wannabe cheerleaders!! haha!

the next ms singapore? hahaha!! as if!!

aww.. so sweet!

faz, me, rina!! vogue!!!

multicoloured mermaids.... (yeah rite!)

check out our mats. mine's the blue checkered one...

huda & me!!

wow.. what big noses we have.. haha!!

siti and me..

me & huda.. hee!

siti's cousin and her guy...

happily taking pics?

wet & wild! hey, don't get any funny ideas... its the prez & vice prez k.. don't play play!!

bikinis, shades and girls.... great combination..

ooh! cleavage!

after we changed, more glamour shots...

mua girls after showers..

group hug!

a few more pics....

me and faz

me, yani, siti..

then we went home...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
1:50 AM

Saturday, September 03, 2005

i've just finished a test on the client project. it was tough but i think i'll be able to pass. thank god i bothered to really look through the website just now. anyway, what do u think of my new blog? i added in my own pics. I think plain blogs where u can add your own pics are better. coz then u'll be able to personalise it much easier. i'm not really satisfied though. see, i really love my original blogskin. the one with a pic of a couple on the road and all the black and pink swirly thingys. i wanted to put my own pic over the black swirly thing but actually it was part of the original pic so the whole thing disappeared when i changed it. so i sorta improvised a little. i'm really new to all this so i just slowly took my time and tried to learn on my own. of course, when i really couldn't do it, i asked ying jia to help me. after all, she's the one who helped me when i "gave birth" to my blog. haha!! thanx so much ying jia.. anyway, if i come across a plain blog skin that i like maybe i'll change again. depends on my mood.

its friday nite and i'm looking forward to the weekend. i've got a picnic with the mua girls tomorrow morning and a bbq party with hafeez, jasmine, naj and all their peeps at nite. yay! that reminds me.. i've gotta make konyaku jelly later for the picnic tmr. better call mama. let her foot the bill. hehe!! oh crap. gotta go for sharing session. later!!!

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
6:45 AM

Friday, September 02, 2005

i'm so fucking pissed.

she is such a bi-atch.

a selfish, self-centered bi-atch.

who the hell do u think u are!?

get the hint.

i don't wanna have anything to do with u.

don't u talk to me.

don't u even look at me.

just fuck off!!!!

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
7:02 AM

i'm really dressed up rite now. i've got presentation at 2.45 later. supposed to wear formal today. i didn't feel like wearing my pants so i wore my mum's skirt instead. its long and black and i really love the feel of it on my skin. i just had to fold it up at the waist coz its too long. then i wore my green striped mango halter and top it off with my bolero.. it matched perfectly! but maybe its a lil too dressy for school... oh well.. i also carried my dior saddle bag today. the one he gave me for our engagement. i've never carried it before. fresh off the package. overall, i like how i look today.. formal and elegant. best of all, my dearie's fecthing me from school today!! i hope we can go out. maybe dinner or something. did i mention that i'm wearing my engaement ring today? whoops!! guess i didn't...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
1:35 AM

Thursday, September 01, 2005

firstly, a big happy 1st month to ying jia & jason. may u guys have many more happy moments with each other and please spare me all the 'emo'. enjoy the shopping spree tmr!

i had an early nite yesterday. i stirred at 5.15am and he wasn't there, he wasn't in his bed. then i panicked. i called him twice before he finally picked up my call. his voice sounded sleepy. i asked him where he was and he specifically said "i'm outside". i nearly burst out screaming at him. i mean i thought he was sleeping outside in god knows where. i freaked out. i felt so worried when i open my eyes and he's not where he's supposed to be. i nearly broke down and cried. i mean like how can u not call me if u're gonna be somewhere else after work other than home. besides there's not a single good excuse in the whole world to explain why he'll be out at 5.15 in the morning when he should be sleeping at home. then he calmed me down. he said what he meant by outside was that he's sleeping at the hall on the couch. i just hung up the phone and went to the hall. i guess he must have fallen asleep while watching soccer or something. there were chips, empty nut wrappers, 7-11 plastic bags and a water bottle on the coffee table. he was still lying on the couch! i took his hand and dragged him back to his bed. he went back to sleep almost immediately after his head hit the pillow. sadly, i couldn't sleep so well after that. i had to get up for school at 6.45 anyway.

i dunno what got over me but i snuck in and crawled into his bed. i really miss him so much. i held him so tight like i'd never let him go. i looked up into his face and i said "baby, i've missed u". then he kissed my forehead and hugged me even harder. that was so sweet of him... that's why i'm so happy today... :)

then he called me in the afternoon, telling me he's working overtime tomorrow morning. i said ok. then it hit me... "wait, tomorrow's your off day. u're not supposed to work." he asked for overtime from 7am to 3pm. today, he's knocking off work at midnite. how the hell will he ever get any sleep!?

i guess my man really is crazy. but who cares!? i love him anyway........

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
1:59 PM