..listen to these words, read my thoughts..

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

i'm really in love with this piece of art.

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
8:35 AM

finally i'm done with my tasks for both projects. now i can breathe. they chose me and a few others to lead the pack for the client project. more power to me!! i feel like a dog being 'groomed' for a dog show. think i can shine in the end? hah! guess we'll just have to wait & see..
u know what. i'm having a bit of a crisis with my dearie. i dunno why. i've been snappy lately and he's being dismissive. we've got major problems and i'm just really freaked out about it. i dunno what to do. i don't wanna end up falling apart.... but it really feels like it. we haven't been seeing much of each other either. i can only wait till thursday to talk to him. then hopefully, we can sort it out..

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
7:45 AM

Monday, August 29, 2005

with tomorrow comes the prospect of yet another week ahead. another week of facing computers consumed with amounting projects and demanding deadlines. its week 2 and i'm counting down all the way till the end of week 8. then i can leave tep in peace and go back to classical without ever having to see another 8.30 till 6 day for the rest of my term in school. that's some motivation for your ass... anyway, i'm pretty contented with the weekend. morning surprises are always a fresh start to a brand new day. i pretty much locked myself up in the sanctuary that i so fondly call home except for the half hour i spent bringing my lil bro to the library. nevertheless, i managed to get the well-deserved rest that i've been yearning for without worrying that i'll oversleep. *yawn*... guess that's my que to bid u goodnite. well, nitez then...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
1:45 PM

Sunday, August 28, 2005

bloody hot saturday afternoon and i'm freakin bored!! my baby's at work. the poor dear. he's been workin overtime the whole week even on his day off. then his bike broke down at tpe yesterday. guess its just not his week. even though we see each other every day, we don't really have time for each other. with me putting in 8.30 to 6 school days and his 9 hr shifts well, i have to understand the situation. i'm trying to be as supportive as i can but there's not a lot of time for me to squeeze in between his work, soccer and sleep. still.. he does little things that are so sweet. i was having breakfast last weekend with my folks at the airport and he showed during his break to give me one of the things on my wish list. he got me the charlie & the chocolate factory book!!! see.. even when life hits ya hard, its not that bad after all. love ya dear! mwah!!

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
9:00 AM

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

happy birthday to me!
happy birthday to me!!
happy birthday to me!!!
happy birthday to me!!!!

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yup, yup, yup! the day has come at last! i'm 18 to day!!! finally legal.. hahaha!! i'm so happy today. it feels great to be 18. wow.... my dearie's so sweet. we're kinda broke right now so we're gonna celebrate this weekend. at least we got to watch a movie yesterday. we watched wedding crashers. haha! it was a blast. so damn funny! anyway, we goin home last nite then he suddenly said "i'm sorry". i was like "why u sayin sorry?". then he said "i'm sorry we couldn't celebrate your bday. we didn't do anything special. i can't buy u a cake." that was so sweet. there i was so happy & dandy and he's sad coz he couldn't get me cake for my birthday. baby, its ok. i'm happy the way it is rite now. i don't need a cake. as long as i've got u, everyday can be my birthday. u got me my birthday prezzie. that's good enough. i'm really grateful that u're around. that's all that matters to me. we've got the weekend anyway. its my day, i won't let u be sad on my bday. join me & be happy....

to ying jia, happy birthday to u too!!!

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
6:53 AM

Sunday, August 14, 2005

i saw her lying there. still, motionless, barely breathing. i'm at a loss for words. her frail & fragile figure on the bed. it felt so surreal coz i've never seen her that way. her smile was gone. half her face was swollen. she could barely open her right eye. there were many tubes with one end connected to her body another end to bottles. i could see dark red liquid flowing from the tubes & dripping into the bottles. blood...

the smell of medicine & sterilised equipment is in the air. i hate this place. people suffer in here. u walk through each ward, past each bed, & the same sight greets u. people staring into space. they're all wearing the same thin piece of green cloth. glancing at u as if they're searching for a faint trace of familiarity. i used to be one of them. i hope i'll never have to join them again. i don't wanna be in her position...

we tried to keep it together. but one by one, tears flowed freely. its hard to keep it all in. she's always been nice to me. i hate seeing her suffer like this. even though she's physically weak, she remains strong for her loved ones. that 8 hr op pulled through. she be alrite. she just needs time to heal..

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
7:21 AM

Friday, August 12, 2005

my hair is saved! i decided not to reborn it. thank god i didn't. i permed it again. its nice & layered now. not too short. just nice that i can let it grow a couple more inches. hehe! :) did i mention that its for free? really... i didn't fork out a single cent. my friend's aunt works with this hair company that's gonna launch their new hair products for perms, rebonding, colour etc. they needed models to test it on. so i just volunteered. i figured "what the heck, my hair's already damaged anyway". i love how it looks now. i can style it & i don't have to worry coz my natural wavy hair will complement the look once it grows again. to all my peeps who advised me not to reborn, thanx so much. i would have made a big mistake if i had reborned it. curly hair really does suit me better. now i've got a smashing new look for my bday! by the way, they're still looking for models to perm hair. guys, if u want a dreadlock style perm; or girls, if u wanna perm your hair in any style of curls, pls contact Roseline 97638007. no charges, no fees, no strings attached. just go down to her studio on 22 or 23 aug, do your hair, take some pics & that's it. call her up for more info. she'll also give u professional advice & tips on hairstyles that are suitable for u. i've got no regrets.. :)

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
7:41 AM

Thursday, August 11, 2005

tasha got in the quarter-finals!!! she took part in the heats of devil's idol in devil's bar last nite. so glad she made it. this one's for u tasha!! she sang beautiful by christina aguilera. she pulled it off really well. i was kinda expecting it. she's got this beautiful voice & amazing talent. not to mention she's ace in the looks department. maybe needs to update her wardrobe. hey, i'm just giving my comments here. i'm definitely comin down to support her again. if i can manage it that is. nuff of that..

let's see.. what's on my agenda today? oh yeah. i gotta tutor my bro. his exams are comin up. got a mua (makeup artiste club) meeting later on. i've also gotta get my storyboard, flash & reports done. so much for slacking around today.. anyway, happy belated birthday s'pore!! don't forget my bday. its in 6 days!!! start the countdown....

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
6:15 AM

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

its my term break now. i've got a week till monday. what to do? hmm... my birthday's comin up but i don't really have plans yet. its my 18th. hey i'm finally legal. haha! i dunno what i'm gonna do. probably have dinner, movie, etc.. sounds like what i always do every other day. even though its the big one eight, i'm not feeling it. u know what i mean? its like another day. i dunno. maybe i'm bummed out over something. i just can't put my finger on it. looking on the bright side, at least i've already set aside my outfit for that day.

I'm gonna wear my super-low roxy jeans with my brown leather roxy belt, green future state cami top, butterfly birkenstock papillio (a bday prezzie from my dearie), butterfly charm bracelet, engagement ring, 1st mth anniversary ring, engagement watch, green earrings......
uh-oh.. i forgot about my bag. now i'll have to figure out what bag to bring. i've got plenty of time anyway. gonna celebrate this weekend i think.. i know, its too early. what am i supposed to do? its not my fault that my bday falls on a tuesday of all days...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
5:54 AM

Monday, August 08, 2005

had an outing with a bunch of girlfrenz. its been a long time. we've all kinda drifted apart but we're tryin to hold on. we don't really wanna let go of this bond we've had since sec school. we had a great time. we shopped & talked & basically hung out. i didn't know they were into flea markets as well. its like an obsession now. u know what they say, one person's junk is another person's treasure. we were at tanglin mall. *sigh* sadly, i couldn't fit into this really cute top i got for $3. i did get a bag though. oh well, we're all waiting for the next one timberlux. we're planning to get all our stuff together and sell it off. that oughtta be a great project for us all. haha!! its in this kinda get togethers that u realize that your frenz are priceless. i wouldn't give them up for anything in the world.. just wanted u girls to know that i really miss ya loads...

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
2:30 PM

Saturday, August 06, 2005

to all members of the opposite sex, pls read this & don't get any funny ideas. its a reminder for u guys to piss off & stop bugging me...

i ain't lookin for a steady thing,
i ain't lookin for what love brings,
i'm still young & i ain't ready babe,
i'm still lookin for some better days.
i don't wanna give u everything,
i just wanna make u feel things,
u ain't gotta give me anything,
just throw it away....

don't assume coz i'm a woman that i'll fall in love
don't expect i'm young & need to be took care of
don't wanna hear u got what I need
coz how would know before we speak.
u better take what u can get
don't even bother with my heart
i get a feeling i won't let dissolve

please believe me i've down this road & back again
learned a lesson & it was that love is not your friend
the day i put my trust in u would be the day i say "i do"
don't expect me just to open up
maybe i'm just a little scared
please don't tell me what u think i wanna hear
oh baby save it i've heard it all before
there ain't nothing u can say to make me change

u've gotta understand my side
i've had a crazy, crazy life
nobody came around to open up my eyes
oh baby take what u can get
don't even bother with my heart
coz i got a feeling i won't let it go...

so stop falling, i said stop falling
u know u're falling for me
stop falling for me.......

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
8:15 AM

my dream idol. her name is naima. the winner of america's next top model round 4. she possesses such a suburban & edgy image that i'm inspired to be her. she started out hating her physical self, detesting her very own personality & soul. she hated herself, hated this girl trapped inside her. she overcame all the odds & came out looking & feeling beautiful. wish i had her strength & charisma. i feel like there are certain qualities she has that i stive to possess. she can be quiet sometimes, just like me. i wanna be her...

~don't ever try to be someone else. u should just be yourself~

but just being me is not enough. coz i'm not good enough.

~u're wrong. u're perfect just the way u are. there are people in this world that love u for u.~

really!? u're kidding rite? i don't believe it.. i just can't see it..

~open u're eyes. then u'll see how special u really are~

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
3:25 AM

baby u made me so happy today. with your feathers & sweet kisses. mmm... yummy....

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
3:20 AM

I am passionate, & confident to the brim.
I am strong in my position, yet weak in my conviction,
I am full of pride, yet uncertainty overshadows it.
I need to have people around me, yet I wish to be alone.
I attract many, yet am attracted to one.
Love is what I give, love is what I take.
I am contented, yet I want more.

I am sensitive & emotional,
Mixed-up & insecure,
Black & white,
Happy & sad,
Here & there.

I'm more than some pretty face inside the train.
There's so much more to me than that.
Judge me not by my words but by my actions.
Then u'll see...
Its not easy to be me........

~the butterfly S C R E A M E D~
3:15 AM