roxylady's life

End of the road

2007-03-05T07:54:00.000+08:00

and so it ends. my last day of school officially ended last thursday. as of this week i am officially unemployed. i no longer have that priviledge of being a full-time student. *sobs* what am i gonna do now? i don't have a clue. no idea whatsoever. please don't ask me why i'm up at 8am crapping about this. i do remember that there's a few belated birthday wishes i want to shout out.

23rd feb -> happy 20th bday nad!!! hope you had a great time at that cosy arab street hangout. (i know you did!) more phonecalls and coffee sessions babe!! love ya to the max!!

25th -> happy 21st bday anna!! woohoo!!! we've graduated babe!! not officially yet.. but exams are over!!!

27th feb -> happy 27th bday baby!! sniff sniff... mmm... you smell nice!! davidoff coolwater.. that's how you'll always smell like to me..

27th feb -> happy 21st bday saiful! haha!! nice pose you got there..

3rd mar -> happy 24th bday moni!! (i hope i didn't get your age wrong..) hehe!! when you gonna come get your prezzie from me? don't look at my pic pls.. that's a really bad pic of me...

4th mar -> happy 10th bday hendri!! i spent a lot of time decorating those cupcakes for you so you better appreciate it!!

ok i'm feeling a little hungry now.. breakfast time...

Water runs dry

2007-02-21T22:31:00.000+08:00

we don't even talk anymore
we don't even know what we argue about
don't even say "i love you" no more
the feelings that we had are no longer alive
some people will work things out &
some just don't know how to change

let's not wait till the water runs dry
we might watch our whole lives pass us by
let's not wait till the water runs dry
we'll make the biggest mistake of our lives
don't do it baby...

they can see the tears in our eyes
but we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
well maybe that's the pain we can't hide
cause everybody knows that we're both torn apart
why do we hurt each other
why do we push love away...

Confessions of a broken heart

2007-02-21T22:07:00.000+08:00

i miss how we used to be
i miss our honeymoon period back when we were in love
we hardly talk anymore
we argue all the time & we don't even know what we argue about
we don't say "i love you" no more
you've changed, so have i
sometimes i wish we were like before
when nothing could have ever come between us
but now the moment's gone
bottomline, i'm not happy anymore
i think we both love each other very much
but we're not in love with each other
maybe that's what happened...
otherwise why would we hurt each other?

Baby Tintin

2007-02-17T17:15:00.000+08:00

i love you so very, very much!!!

My First Nephew

2007-02-13T21:19:00.000+08:00

my very first nephew!!!

Muhammad Firzan Agostin

born on 12 february 2007 at 5.54pm

at national university hospital

this little bundle of joy weighs only 2.54kg

and he's simply adorable!

Love actually

2007-02-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

i don't need somebody to complete me
i want you to know
i'll give up my love but I'm not giving up my soul

i belong to me
i don't belong to you
my heart is my possession
i'll be my own reflection
i belong to me
i'm one not half of two
and if you're gonna love me
you should know this baby
i belong to me

love don't mean changing who you are to be
who somebody wants you to be
nobody's got to belong to nobody

Life actually

2007-02-10T23:54:00.000+08:00

honestly what will become of me
i don't like reality
it's way too clear to me

but really life is daily
we are what we don't see
we missed everything daydreaming

flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all good things come to an end

The final stretch

2007-02-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

oh wow! its the final stretch before graduation! hard to believe i actually made it through all the projects, reports & assignments. just have 1 more project to go before its finally over. final exams and then that's it. i can breathe again. watch out girlfriends! i'll be calling y'all up yeah.

planning to read some books. i'm not so much an author person but more of a story person. don't really remember which authors i like but more of reading whatever stories that i find interesting. plus, catch up on my weekly dose of movies. the latest one i caught was yesterday, the last king of scotland. interesting show, worth watching if you're into stories about political struggle, oppression, people that want to make a change in the world.. a little dose of nudity & sex, loads of death & mutilation, and a lot of unpredictability. you never really know what's gonna happen next. go catch it.

birthday's coming up this month: ian, nadia, anna, saiful, my brother hendra.... hmm.. many birthday wishes... no promises for presents...

Interview

2007-01-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

ok yeah.. thanx for telling me about the paper hafeez! its true. the makeup artiste girls & me were interviewed by berita harian. its the malay newspaper in singapore. the article appeared on monday. cameraman picked that shot of us doing the makeup demo. my face just happened to be the biggest in the shot. can't believe my aunts were all making a big fuss about it. i mean its just a newspaper article you know.. not like i won the nobel peace prize or something.

well besides that, i know my babygirls been bugging me to write a post cause frankly speaking my last post was like last year. so its way overdue but happy belated new year wishes to everyone. jan & feb is like the most stressed months i'm going to experience this year. final 2 months before i graduate. final assignments, final projects, final exams... gosh... that's damn fast.. scary actually..*sigh*

what are my plans for the future? i'll start working straight after graduation. in the midst of preparing my resume. i'll need to work and save up for august 2008. i'm really working hard for my big day and my dream vacation. making plans and starting early cause i want to make it happen. for the moment, i'm thinking from singapore -> tokyo -> los angeles -> orlando -> tokyo -> singapore. depending on what we can afford, we might head to manchester to watch a match at old trafford. that part is obviously not my idea but ian's. i'm pretty sure you all know why so no need for me to elaborate. as of now, its still just a dream so we're both working hard to make it a reality.

speaking of dreams, its time for me to fly off to dreamland. need to catch up on zzzzs cause seriously lack of it. sweet dreams yeah!

Surprise

2006-12-26T21:52:00.000+08:00

pleasant surprises in abundance since my last post. ian gave me a white gold necklace with a pearl pendant for our anniversary. a simple bluish-white pearl set in a four petal flower base surrounded by tiny crystals. i love it. hehe!!

i got him a striped lavender and white raoul shirt with a discreet print. it was a splurge but for him, definitely worth it. zy helped me pick it out when we met to go tanning last friday with nad. so much for tanning.. haha! juz read zy's blog entry and you'll know what i mean. climbing coconut trees and being slapped with sand. hah! it got pretty interesting.

anyway, ian planned this surprise outing on saturday so i was pretty much kept in suspense. he mentioned something about a boat ride along sg river but i got way more than what i suspected. let me walk you through what happened..

we had lunch at hard rock cafe. reminded me of the good old days when we used to go there to eat and how i got my first taste of partying. he had his favourite bbq chicken and i opted for nz pepper steak. we skipped our usual nachos and tried the chilli crab dip instead. yummy!! its like eating chilli crabs without the shells.

then we headed to marina square. we parked at esplanade and got to scribble on these balls that will be thrown into sg river. neat huh?

afterward we got tickets to watch the holiday at gv marina. its a great show really. a nice sweet romantic comedy/drama. not what guys would want to watch but i'm glad he arranged it cause he knew i've been wanting to see the show. so we had an hour to go before the movie started and he asked if i wanted to go for the boat ride. i didn't want to rush so i said we could go after the movie. what i didn't know was the other surprise coming my way.

after the show, ian made some excuse about needing to use the toilet urgently and walked super fast. we passed by many toilets but he said he wanted a 'clean' toilet. from marina all the way to city hall till we reach swissotel the stamford. followed him all the way up to the 70th floor... equinox........ EQUINOX!!! my first time ever dining at equinox. i was so not dressed right for dinner. as in jeans, sweater top & pumps.. but the view was unbelievable...

we got our window seat after all. that made me smile.

dinner was alright. you only pay for the view actually. i think my main course was around 50 bucks? yup its 2 tiger prawns, 2 scallops, and a small scoop of mashed parsnip..

his was oven baked chicken breast..

well we're still happy in the end.. seriously, you should give the place a try at least once in your life. come dressed to the nines and they'll make you feel like a million bucks. come in slippers and shorts, they'll kick you out the window. haha!!

thanx for the day baby.. i appreciate all the effort you put into planning last saturday.. it was really special to me.. i love you...

by the way, i'm no longer using the bimbo phone. helllooooo chocolate!!!!

.......

2006-12-21T01:56:00.000+08:00

20th december:
happy 5th anniversary baby!!
i love you forever and ever...
let's always love each other k..

..........

2006-12-21T01:44:00.000+08:00

when you have to look away
when you don't have much to say
thats when i love you
i love you, just that way
to hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk, with two left feet
thats when I love you
i love you, endlessly
and when you're mad cause you lost the game
forget i'm waiting in the rain
baby i love you
i love you anyway
cause here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
thats when i love you
when nothing you do can change my mind
the more i learn,
the more i love,
the more my heart can't get enough
thats when i love you
when i love you
no matter what
so when you turn
to hide your eyes
cause the movie made you cry
thats when i love you
i love you a little more each time
and when you can't quite match your clothes
or when you laugh at your own jokes
thats when i love you
i love you, more than you know
and when you forget that we had a date
or that look you give when you show up late
baby i love you
i love you anyway
cause here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
thats when i love you
when nothing you do can change my mind
the more i learn
the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
thats when i love you
when i love you no matter what....

......

2006-12-21T01:33:00.000+08:00

cause with you
i can let my hair down
i can say anything crazy
i know you'll catch me right before i hit the ground
with nothing but a t-shirt on
i never felt so beautiful
baby as i do now
now that i'm with you...

Songs for you

2006-12-21T01:24:00.000+08:00

i know your eyes in the morning sun
i feel you touch me in the pouring rain
and the moment that you wander far from me
i wanna feel you in my arms again
and you come to me on a summer breeze
keep me warm in your love and then you softly leave
and it's me you need to show

how deep is your love
i really need to learn
cause we're living in a world of fools
breaking us down
when they all should let us be
we belong to you and me

i believe in you
you know the door to my very soul
you're the light in my deepest darkest hour
you're my saviour when i fall
and you may not think
i care for you
when you know down inside
that i really do...

Happy Anniversary

2006-12-21T01:03:00.000+08:00

remember the first day when I saw your face
remember the first day when you smiled at me
you stepped to me and you said to me
i was the woman you dreamed about
remember the first day when you called my house
remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide
and we both had a beautiful night

the way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to find true love
i knew right then and there you were the one

i know that he loves me cause he told me so
i know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you know that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
i know that he loves me cause its obvious
i know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

remember the first day, the first day we kissed
remember the first day we had an argument
we apologized and then we compromised
and we haven't argued since
remember the first day we stopped playing games
remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too

i'm so happy so happy that you're in my life
and baby now that you're a part of me
you showed me
showed me the meaning of true love
and i know he loves me...

Holiday Plans

2006-12-17T22:43:00.000+08:00

holidays are here!!! and i've got loads of plans. just plans... we'll see if it all works out.. hopefully yeah... firstly, my 5 year anniversary on the 20th december. ian and me will be postponing it. probably celebrate on 23rd which is saturday. better timing. also on 23rd, my aunt's going to mecca for the haj so we're sending her off. its late night around 2am so plenty of time for us to hang around. then there's my parents 24th anniversary. no idea what they want to do but i'm sure it'll be pretty interesting. my sister's birthday on 21st december. hoping to meet up with her if she's not working. going tanning with bestie zy on 22nd december... cable cars here we come!!

of course there's the xmas gift exchange that's also going to be postponed till january. darlings, i'll probably buy that dress top cause i want to wear it on saturday. hehe.... i'll put up my wish list but then again, i'm sure you girls know the stuff i like. other than that the new year's coming. but it clashes with hari raya haji so i don't think i'll be going anywhere. not a very nice thing to do you know what i mean. so all you kind souls that want to buy me xmas gifts kindly refer to my wish list yeah... that way, i'll actually use whatever you get for me.. cheers y'all!!

Balcony

2006-12-03T01:27:00.000+08:00

chill out at balcony with the girls. it was fun. chatting over drinks talking about almost anything that comes to mind. camera whoring.. haha!! what's new rite? just some random stuff that i like about today...

jeans n heels
wind in my hair
baked rice that i can actually cook myself
elephancinno - peach n hazelnut
balcony
jacuzzi to frolic in
cabana beds for ......
cosmopolitan
sex on the beach
mocktail?
i think i know that person
napkin notes
chocolatey minty thingy
christmas trees!!
oh my gosh what a retarded pose
random pictures
msn conversations
adobe collage?

haha!!! actually, you can almost paint a picture of our girls night out today.. see what different scenarios can come up with. night y'all....

Multi tasking

2006-11-14T22:25:00.000+08:00

ok.. i'm blogging, surfing the net, downloading songs, watching csi miami, & chatting with zy at the same time.. cool... multi-tasking brings infinite possibilities.. hope this font isn't too small in case some of you can't see clearly.. haha! zy is so like dissing my ability to multi-task right now.

anyway, its been two days back in school. so far so good. no major issues yet... the first week is always good.. the calm before the storm. i am so broke now. after buying lecture notes and some stationery, my account balance is almost empty. *sigh*... so what's in store for the upcoming weeks...

let's see.. a trip to mt faber with the family. my brothers want to ride on the cable car. its their first time so probably we'll all end up in sentosa. a second outing to sentosa with my girlfriends is in the works. tanning at the beach, camera-whoring, maybe a walk in vivocity.... ooohhh.. that'll be nice. nov 29, 7pm casino royale at cathay cineplex causeway point with the family. dinner nov 22 with ian's team. i totally forgot to mention. he's leaving singapore airport terminal services (sats) and joining northwest airlines as a reservation support representative. so its a small group outing. maybe dinner and drinks. nov 23, clubbing with friends. all my girlfriends are invited to join the fun. then finally... christmas holidays are coming!!! more photo-taking around town!! really hope i get to shop. been itching to buy loads of stuff. plus christmas presents and all... damn... i'll be broke again for sure..

ok i'm calling it a night. starting school at 8am tomorrow. 8 till 11am... hooray for that...

Unforgivable sinner

2006-11-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

Sadness, hurt, anger....... i realized that no matter how strong your relationship is, it is still vulnerable. every little thing has the potential to break down the precious foundations of the relationship. it doesn't matter how good you are to your partner, how much you feel for them, the things you've sacrificed for them, or the risks you took to be with them. and you'll ask the same question everytime something goes wrong, "WHY?"... and you'll never truly find out the answer.....

it all comes down these two things,

trust--> to place confidence in, to rely or depend upon.
faith--> to believe

it's also up to whether or not you choose to forgive your partner. most of the time, you will cause love comes into the picture. sometimes, you just put yourself into a situation that allows love to blind you. no matter what crap you face, you still endure for the sake of being with the person you love. how long will you put up with it? how much crap can you take? only time will tell.....

Such is life

2006-11-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

just a thought to share.

which is worse? to find out your love is cheating on you after so many years together? or to wake up one day after so many years and realize that you don't love the one person you thought you've always loved?

think about it...

anyway, quoting from fio "such is life......"

5 Variable Love Test

2006-10-27T14:05:00.000+08:00

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only
one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted
for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you
from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love
experiences.
And when the real thing comes along,
you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in
relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting
your way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it
comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt
- you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your
perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet,
you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time"
and "we time."
You usually find it easy to be part of a
couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a
little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

Selamat Hari Raya!!

2006-10-27T12:53:00.000+08:00

selamat hari raya everyone!!

its actually the fourth day already but its never too late to give festive wishes rite... anyway, i just want to wish everyone selamat hari raya maaf zahir dan batin. my house is open to anyone who wants to come but please call me first in case i'm out. all the hard work toiling away till the wee hours of the morning has finally paid off. i've got new sheets and new curtains too.. anyway, hope all you muslims out there are having fun jalan raya. likewise to all non-muslims, enjoy the holidays!!

its 16 days till the next semester starts.. let the countdown begin now!!

Desperate Housewife

2006-10-11T00:30:00.000+08:00

domestic life ain't as blissful as it seems. i really am turning into a desperate housewife. i've ditched lecture notes for a mop, vacuum cleaner and a saucepan. cooking has become my forte. recently, it changed to baking.. from pineapple tarts to dozens of layered cakes. i miss my freedom. life away from the confines of the 3 by 3 metre kitchen. imprisoned in my own home? no.. shouldn't think of it that way. voluntary household service is much better.

pretty dresses with plunging necklines,
window shopping from topshop to toss,
green top with a butterfly motif and sexy back,
the little flower (or girl) at the end of the rainbow,
half-priced waffles with yummy ice cream,
burger king coupons,
those gripz shoes are oh-so-gorgeous just get it,
blue cardigans and brown dresses,
purple and pink baju kurung,
4 inch aldo heels,
passed basic theory the first time,
i'm so hungry is it time to eat yet,
my feet are killing me,
if you're a celebrity i'd be your personal assistant,
guys who think everything's funny,
peeping through dressing room curtains,
lacy black corsets,
taking photos in public toilets,
toys 'r' us,
cinderella and ariel pens....

some of the favourite things i remember from today. thanks for giving me a break from life as a domestic goddess. you're such a great friend... that's a damn good example why a bestie is the best ever! i'm coming over next week. remember, i'll be cooking and cleaning from monday to friday every week and baking every weekend. so you can come over anytime. ciao!!

Melody

2006-09-25T00:14:00.000+08:00

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me to the place where i find peace again

you are the strength that keeps me walking
you are the hope that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you
would you tell me how could it be any better than this

you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you steal my heart and you take my breath away

would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
cause you're all i want
you're all i need
you are everything,
everything...

I think

2006-09-19T15:43:00.000+08:00

i didn't expect that from you. of all the people in the world, why did you let me down? how would you feel if you were in my position? i'm disappointed.. i let you do pretty much whatever you want to. i don't mess around with your own personal things. you know i'm not that type of person. i respect your privacy. i know that even people like us need our own space. there are a lot of things that i put up with just to be with you. but that was just too much...

ask yourself this question, who am i to you? i put you above everyone and everything else in my life. did you know that? this isn't a game. i'm done with playing games. this is real. i am real. i don't want that to ever happen again. i don't like it. i care for you. don't you ever take that for granted.

More bday pics

2006-09-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

so here are some more overdue birthday photos. these are from the dinner with my girlfriends and the guys. thanks for the top nadia! its so pretty i love it! i really enjoyed myself babes.. had a hell of a time.. thanks so much for everything. love!!!!

look at the home-made card!

girlfriends rule!!!

we look so happy & cute & round together! (in zyanna's words..)

hey i'm making cotton candy like a pro!!

yummy!!!

best friends forever and ever!!

the pimp & the pimped.... haha!!!

Canon Shots

2006-08-24T22:40:00.000+08:00

these were during maxine's farewell party on 12 august...

some of my gifts...

and finally... party photos!!!

so the next photos i'll post are of the dinner with my girlfriends on saturday. can't wait to see you babes again!! love!!!

Tribute

2006-08-24T16:37:00.000+08:00

woah!! finally all my papers are over.. so i can acutally write a proper post.. i haven't actually thanked everyone who were with me to celebrate my birthday.. i know its overdue but i really wanted to thank everyone so here goes...

to ian: thank you so much baby for planning a surprise party for me on my birthday. i know you put in a lot of effort trying to organize it and it was a huge success. i always appreciate every little thing you do for me. the bouquet with the little monkey in the center is so adorable! the monkey is hanging on my bedpost now. thank you picking up the tab for my hair also.. actually the monkey does look like you. hehe!!

to norliann: i can't imagine what you went through planning the party with ian. must be kecoh giler kan.. haha! but honestly thank you.. i love your gift. the chocolate cupcakes with pink icing are so sweet. you're right, i almost don't want to eat them cause they look so pretty! thank you for the 2 butterfly necklaces also. i'm crazy over anything with butterflies so i'll definitely add them to my collection.

to saleem, linda & hajar: thanks for the pink levi's tank top. i love the little crystals on it. only the size is a bit big. i'm not that big you know. hahaha!! thanks for coming to the party on such short notice as well.. looking forward to more "neoprint sessions" with y'all!!

to ying ying, nora & vincent: thank you for the orchid necklace from madame butterfly. its very unique and absolutely stunning! i love it too! ying ying, the butterfly card is so cute! i know you made it.. oh, ian told me you bought kfc for the party also. so sweet of you! thank you!

to resa: wow! my mouth fell to the floor when i opened the box.. the heart-shape keychain is so lovely. i'm so becoming a guess addict now. i know you had to change your shift to come. i'm really glad you came.. thank you so much! oh thanks to your friend for coming too.. suhaila rite? (hope i didn't get her name wrong)

to lina and hakim: thank you for coming to the party! it was very last minute and i'm sure you had your own things to do but i'm really happy that you could make it. must take more pictures next time!! love you guys!

to zyanna: my best friend!! you made it to my party babygirl!! from school and tution and all you still managed to come. i really appreciate it babe.. love the bikini and belt! its so me you know... well you should know.. anyway, thanks for accompanying me to do my hair. i can't wait for saturday!! by the way, you can come over and play twister with my brother anytime.. haha!!

to diyana and nadia: i can't wait to see you babes on saturday! even though you couldn't make it to the party, its ok. i understand. so you girls got 1 more chance to make it up to me on saturday k. haha!! love love!!

to mama, papa & my 2 brothers: thanks so much for letting ian organize that surprise party at home. now i know why papa was helping me clean up the house that day. even though you said that my laptop was my present, you still got me another one. i love the roxy wallet and chocolates from chocz. hope you enjoyed yourselves cause i certainly have.

to my sister: thanks for the box of chocolates. i haven't eaten it yet. waiting for the first box mama gave me to finish. you should come visit more often. i miss having you around. it feels great to cook and drink coffee bean with you again. its nice to make fun of abg fir also.. hopping around with his crutches hahaha!! ok sorry. that was mean..

to m.a.l.d.i.n.s: thanks for the blog birthday post and for having the buffet lunch yesterday. next time we go sakae for sushi. apparently, cooking at seoul garden got a lot of failed experiments. haha!!

to everyone else who wished me, thank you so much for all your birthday wishes. this year has to be the best birthday i've had so far. even though i was stressed out for my exams, you all made it a very memorable birthday for me. i'm just happy with everything and i truly appreciate it. thanks very much.. love you all!!

as i was saying

2006-08-12T00:41:00.000+08:00

as i was saying, i was going to put up the photo i took with jamie. so here it is.

so he really is a down-to-earth and humble person. by the way, the black and white thing is just a special effect from ian's phone. you have to excuse my goofy smile cause i was in awe.. i mean its not every day that you get to meet a celebrity. anyway, since i haven't really updated any recent photos on my blog, thought i'd put up the photos in this post. let's be honest, my phone camera isn't really that fantastic and i don't have a digicam so most of my photos are taken off ian's phone or friendster or other blogs. so i'm going to do this quick before i lose the internet connection again. my wireless is driving me crazy.

these are during dee's birthday dinner and dessert!!

these were on the eve of national day, at esplanade watching fireworks.

i have some more but i'm sleepy.. got to meet my friends tomorrow. something big is going to happen tomorrow... nite y'all!

ouch...

2006-08-05T09:36:00.001+08:00

owww.... my entire body's aching. bloody napfa test!! i failed my 2.4km run. not surprising. haven't ran for 3 years. but i did well for the 5 items. does it matter? failing 1 is as good as failing all. now i feel like i've been hit by a truck. just want to stay in bed all day. but i can't.. still got work to do...

finally all my projects are done. only 1 presentation and 1 more test to go then i'm done. after wednesday, its the race to exams... thank goodness i've only got 3 papers to sit for. then its 3 months break!!! yesssssss!!!!!!!!! the break is fully meant for my enjoyment. i really need it.. as in really, really need a break...

for all you movie buffs, the lake house is the must-see movie for couples. the story is really moving, unlike the typical cheesy romantic shit. i feel that the story line is simply great. it sort of inspires you to believe that love can conquer all. it feels real too. i don't mind watching it again. another show is click. adam sandler is the best comedian ever. i thought it was like a comedy thing but i cried at the end. the ending is kind of predictable but the way the story goes, you'd never expect it to end that way. next up on my list is the fast and the furious: tokyo drift and the break-up. plenty of time to watch all that...

a bit of old news --> me and ian met jamie aditya last month i think. remember him? used to be mtv vj now he's got his own documentary on discovery channel. we took a photo!! its in ian's phone. i'll get it from him next time and post it. speaking of photos, take a look at this.

that's my godsister's son, azizi.... so cute rite!!!! now look at this...

and this is paris hilton... in the same pose... hahaha!!!

finally, i've got a big announcement to make..... my birthday's coming soon!!! in 11 days to be precise. get me a present k!!

Life goes on...

2006-07-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

ok.. 1 project down 4 to go.. company law, business report writing, & international business. after that, the final exams... i really just want to get everything done so i can get on with life. its been quite a while since i could idle away and rest at home.. i broke down on monday. as in a serious breakdown. i couldn't help it. the stress just kept piling on and on till i couldn't take it anymore. instinctively, i picked up the phone and called ian. i confided in him. i remembered telling him how tired i was, how everyone depended on me to do everything, how i didn't think i could cope with it all. he told me everything will be ok. i just had to hold on and be strong. now is not the time to break down and cry. ironically, that was exactly what i was doing. of course, he knew exactly what to do..

he came over and made me laugh. well, he tried to anyway. i was sitting on my bed mugging on one of my projects over my laptop. then he came in. he played this funny song and did this bizarre dance. it was so ridiculously cute and funny, i laughed.. i laughed and laughed and laughed........................ till i fell over expecting my head to land on my pillow.......................................... but there was no pillow. i forgot that i had already put it aside and that there wasn't anything covering the metal bed frame................................................ so naturally.................................................................................... i bumped my head on the metal bedframe.. let me emphasize this again. it was a metal bed frame.. and my head hurt like hell. in fact it still hurts till now. i can still feel the bump on it. i think its a bruise but it can't be seen. i didn't know whether to laugh or cry when it happened. it was sort of in between. he laughed too.. very funny huh...

oh well... that was that.. tomorrow is another day. have to go back to school to finish up company law project. then off to the beach saturday morning for some rest and relaxation. catch a movie after that. then on sunday, settle some chores at home.. and there goes another weekend.....

Bad start to a bad weekend

2006-07-15T16:50:00.000+08:00

arrrrgh!!!! to heel with this f**king crap. who the heck gives a damn about the freaking stock market anway. bonds, futures, forex oh god i hate this shit.... i need a break. i've fussing over this thing for the past week. its the project for my international finance module. due on monday 1pm. i think its just a waste of my time. i honestly don't understand all the financial jargon. ohhhhh.......... *sigh*.............. how can i get through this?

i need ian. haven't seen him for 2 days. not sure how, when and where we can meet. with his schedule its tough. he went to pick up his laptop today from courts suntec. they didn't even bother to help him set up the thing. bad service. i wanted to go with him but i couldn't. mum went to jb this morning wih her friends to shop. i had to stay home to watch my brothers. couldn't even meet my friends for lunch. now she's back so i'm going out. gonna hang with zy and the girls.... my brain needs some fresh air otherwise its gonna get fried to a crisp.... ciao......

he moved out

2006-07-13T00:51:00.000+08:00

good and not so good news. ian moved out. its good in a way coz he really should spend more time back at his place, with his family. its weird coz when i told my girlfriend anna that he went home, the first thing she asked me was "why? u guys fight is it?"... no we didn't have an argument. but it was strange coz ian told his brother too. and he said the same thing. it shows how close we are in front of other people's eyes. i didn't realize people noticed that about us. anyway, its good that he's going back home. he gets to spend more time with his mum and dad and all.. to be on good terms with them again. so that by the time our wedding date comes, it'll be easier coz they'll help him out. we've been talking a lot about our future. making plans... we're really getting our act together to make it work. hopefully it all goes smoothly.. on the downside, i won't get to see him as often. but i'm sure its all good. i'll still miss him. he is my inspiration. and my inspiration just moved out....

serene's back in good old sg. looking forward to hanging out, having lunch, dinner or whatever with her and the rest of the girls. but this week is not so good coz of all the project deadlines and icas that i've got. its a nightmare.. it truly is.. i've had my share of shopping this month. i feel truly blessed. i'm grateful to my dad for buying me this laptop. its the one thing i need. i know it costs a lot dad but somehow, i'll give it all back.. thanx so much.. its late. i'm sleepy. *yawn*.... nite everyone....

What the %$@#!!!!!

2006-06-26T21:24:00.000+08:00

arrrrghhhh!!!! something's wrong with my computer. it was reset or reformatted or something and all my stuff is gone. my the songs in my itunes are all gone. zero, zip, nada, nothing!! i had 700++ songs in there. say whatever you want but its a lot of songs to me... ***sobs***

i don't know how it happened. i'm like, computer illiterate so don't bother trying to explain all that technical stuff to me either coz i don't get it. man i'm pissed.. now i have to do it all over again but i really don't have the time. bummer....... maybe its a sign for me to get a laptop. i know the stuff i'm using now is ancient but its been working for me all this while. a laptop not that cheap. like i said, i'm not a tech-savvy person so i don't really need a laptop. i would much rather spend on clothes.

speaking of spending, i sure spent quite a lot last week. had dinner with the girls last wednesday at pasta mania cineleisure. we were talking about school, life and stuff. gave zy her bday gift. babe if you're reading this, that handphone charm is made with genuine swarovski crystals. it even comes complete with a guarantee certificate. anyway, ian bought for me a guess bag. my very first guess bag!! that's like a milestone for me coz i've never had a guess bag before. in fact, up till then watches were the only thing i had from guess. so that guess bag is really precious to me. i was eyeing the clutch coz it was on sale. he actually bought a bigger bag instead so i could bring to school. and i love it!! then on saturday we shopped around some more. nothing like a dose of retail therapy to indulge yourself in.

now i'm looking for a polo tee for him. i think the best place to get it is online. maybe from abercrombie, old navy or ralph lauren? they're the only nice ones i've found so far in his size. its my turn to spoil him now.... hehe! oh! and maybe this saturday the girls and i are heading to the beach. and i'm gonna cut my hair.. add a few layers, bangs and a splash of colour. something dark like auburn or chocolate. i know, i know... i've been saying i'll get a new hairstyle since beginning of the year and haven't gotten around to doing it yet. the more i wait, the more its gonna cost me...

Just you & me..

2006-06-17T02:03:00.000+08:00

my family's off on vacation in cameron highlands and kl. they left on wednesday nite. part of wished that i went with them but i'm glad i stayed. its a good opportunity for me and ian to have some alone time. things are looking good at the moment. he took five days off just to keep me company. since we're a bit short at the moment, it gave us an excuse to stay home. he still surprises me after all this while. he really is capable of doing a lot of things if he set his mind to it. he helped me with some house work today. how nice of him.. i'm so proud...

zy's birthday just passed. can't wait to meet her and the girls on monday. its been so long since i last met them. i did manage to get her a gift. hope she likes it. been sleeping later than usual this week. its the term break, what do you expect? sleep late, wake up even later.. anyway, world cup matches kept me awake even though i don't really pay much attention. i still think all the hype is kind of overrated. then again, don't question what you don't understand. i actually learned that from watching a cartoon. hah!

the weekend is here!! what to do, what to do? hmm... no idea. i'm sure ian will think of something.

*yawn*.......

ok, that's my que.. good nite people... wait, its 2.30am.. so its good morning?....

Cry

2006-06-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

yesterday.......

i stayed in school wasting my time away, playing daidi. you called me after watching that soccer match. you said you wanted to pick me up. my heart was still bruised from all the arguing. still, i relented. you came, i gave you the cold shoulder. we hardly spoke. i was somewhat grateful to feel the wind on my face while i sat at the back of of your bike. it kept the tears from spilling out. i refused to lose my composure. didn't want to break down in front of you.

we reached the carpark. i walked two steps in front of you, my eyes on the ground. silence....... we reached home. i showered, changed and turned on the tv in my room. you showered, then sat on the bed watching tv with me. "so you think you can dance?" was on. you made one or two comments, i just noded in response. my tummy was grumbling. i went to the hall looking for food. mum didn't cook dinner. she offered me the filet-o-fish that she bought but never ate. well, it was better than nothing. thought i'd cook maggi mee later if i still felt hungry. thought of cooking for you as well. i know how much you love maggi curry noodles.

you were in the living room watching tv there. i offered to share the burger with you. you didn't want any. you don't eat tartar sauce. went back to my room to eat that pathetic burger. i stayed in room all the way. i wondered if you'd come talk to me, ask me what's wrong, why i'm sad... you never came. did you even know i was sad? then i heard the unmistakable sounds of soccer commentary coming from the living room. ahh.. you're watching soccer again. i should have known better....

i threw the blue wrapping away and washed my hands. i went back into my room and for some reason, i happened to see the monkey plush toy. the one that's looks like you. its so cute and adorable. i switched off the lights and reached for the monkey. i crept into a corner of my bed with the light of television guiding me. some natalie cole jazz concert was playing on arts central. she sang a really sad song (can't remember the title). that was it... couldn't hold it back any longer. tears just spilled down my face....

i hugged the monkey and i couldn't stop crying. i kept wishing it was you. coz that's really all i wanted. i remembered looking in its eyes and putting its hands on my cheeks to wipe away my tears. all the while i pretended it was was your hands i felt wiping my tears away. i thought of all the wonderful and tender moments we shared throughout the four and a half years we've been together. i know people change. you and me are no different. but wouldn't it be nice if we could just be together and talk, just the two of us without anyone or anything in between, you know.... like before... more tears spilled.. it was like the floodgates were opened....

i cried for a long time in the dark.. then you opened the door and came in. i wondered, what would you do now that you've seen me cry. would you just ignore me? for a moment, i thought you would...

then, you came to me. put your arms around my shoulders and my head on your shoulder. and you just held me. i cried even harder. in between my sobs i told you everything that made me angry and sad. all the while, you never let go. finally, you whispered " i love you, sayang... i'm so sorry.." and that was all i needed to hear...
that was enough for me to sleep in peace...

Depression's kicking in...

2006-06-05T10:43:00.000+08:00

i'm live my life every day under the same roof with you. time and again, you choose to ignore me. pretend i don't exist. you shut out the sounds of me crying at night even though you're just a step away... sleeping... i pick up everything you throw. i clean up your mess. i tend to your every whim. now i'm sick of doing it.. i thought you'd know better but you just... arrghh!!!!!!!! its so frustrating.. and you say i'm being mean to you.. you say i'm the one treating you badly.. for goodness sake, look around you. i took care of everything and you took it for granted that i'll always do everything for you. i hate being the source of ridicule in front of your friends. i hate being such an "understanding girl" when you don't even try to understand me. i'm a simple girl.. with simple needs. that doesn't mean that i'll just take anything you throw in my face. i have feelings too you know.. maybe if you had paid some attention to me, you would have noticed.. i'm starting to wonder what your priorities are right now.. coz i'm pretty sure i've been dropped from the top of the list.. i refuse to budge from our position right now. you want to keep this up, that's fine with me. my door's not locked so you can always leave... maybe some time off would do us good..

Wasted weekend

2006-05-13T17:06:00.000+08:00

first saturday i'm spending at home since god knows when.. dad's working, mum's in kl (don't ask why) and me & my bros are at home. gosh i'm so bored... went to ian's friend's wedding just now. just for a while coz he had to rush off to work. it was a combined ceremony of the bride's side and groom's side. simple event held at woodlands cc. i felt sorry for the bride coz she didn't look too happy. lets just say the groom sort of screwed up. he arrived late coz he left his shoes at his place and had to go back to get it. its usually customary for the bride and groom to arrive at around 1 plus. he came after 3... that's really late..

did i mention that i'm bored? oh yeah, i did...

so anyway, another week till my allowance.. i'm broke now. my notes and textbooks cost me a bomb.. i spent over 70 bucks on them. feels different now that i'm back in school. i'm more motivated to actually do my work. something i haven't felt since o levels. and that was 4 yrs ago. i'm not sure why. maybe i like going to school. i definitely like it better than going to work. i guess if you work hard, you can play hard as well.. i like the the sound of that.. i'm enjoying my life as it is right now. i wouldn't change a thing.. :)

Miss my makeup babies!

2006-05-10T13:54:00.000+08:00

i confess... i haven't been in touch with my makeup artiste babes since the last nyp open house. that was like 3 months ago.. with the attachment and everything i didn't really have much time to spare. in fact i didn't even go back to school throughout my attachment. 9 to 6 days, 5 days a week... so sorry babes...

well i'm back now. i'll pick up where i left off. maybe i haven't been doing my job well enough. i'll serve the rest of my term as vp of the makeup artiste team to the best of my abilities. that's not some political crap, its for real k...

anyway, mothers' day is this weekend right? damn! don't know what to get for mum.. hmmm... not that i have much to spare anyway. been out shopping lah... i'm a pratical person so maybe i should get mum that top that she's been eyeing.. maybe i'll ask my sis to split for it.. hmmm... that's not a bad idea..

TGIF tmr!

2006-05-04T15:38:00.000+08:00

thank god its friday! tomorrow that is... no classes tomorrow!! i've got a date with my hubby. we're gonna watch mi2. i know he's been itching to watch movies since last month. he's a movie buff.. plus there's loads of good shows coming up. but please no psychotic thrillers, gory or cannibalistic shows. i'm also not gonna watch any more movies with his friend saleem. the last time we all watched a movie together, i threw up.

hope ian and me can have a nice outing with no arguments, no fights, and above all, no stupid misunderstandings. it sort of spoils the mood when that happens. our time spent with each other is limited anyway. might as well make the best of it. got ten more mins till my last lecture for the day starts.

ooh! i came across this black bolero top at the nike shop in cineleisure. i love it! i'm gonna look for it tomorrow when we go out. its one of those things you see at the store that makes you think "oh my god! i have to have it!"

ok gotta go now. lecture on company law from 4 to 5pm....

You're hired!

2006-04-26T15:05:00.000+08:00

its my last week here and guess what? they offered me a job!! that means i'm gonna get an A for my attachment. ok that's good news... its just a temp position but hey extra dough for me. no contract just as and when they need me to come then i'll come down. if it doesn't clash with my classes then i'm ok with it.. can't wait to go back to school!!! get to see all my friends again, go back to lectures and tutorials, afternoons playing taiti....... i'm so happy that i'm only having short days this time and not long classes like the last time... ok don't know what else to write... bye!!

I'm hot!!!!

2006-04-22T16:35:00.000+08:00

its damn freaking hot out today!!!! feel like going for a swim..... at my aunt's place in sengkang now. stole the com from my cousin for a few mins... hehe!!! my voice is back but my cough's getting worse...

*cough cough cough*

anyway, maybe gonna catch a movie later after ian finish work... not confirm yet.... whoops! gotta go.... see ya folks!!!

i'm sick...

2006-04-21T11:38:00.000+08:00

i'm sick... i feel so lousy now.. *cough cough*... i sound like a drag queen. don't even feel like talking to anyone... my throat is sore, i'm coughing up shit, and i wanna go home.. :(

waaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs*

*cough cough cough cough* ptueee.... ewwwwww....... sorry.. coughed up shit again...

anyway, went shopping last week with zy... spent like $100 on four tops, a pair of shoes, and a tshirt and socks for him... that was fun. can't wait to do it again on the 29th. this time i'm making sure i drag ian along every step of the way. he's gotta make it up to me for missing out the last time. went for dinner with the girls and swathi on monday. its swat's bday and we were all treating. finally a chance to catch up and talk about stuff...

*cough cough* excuse me...

me and valerie were treated to a nice dinner from lawrance along with some of the staff at work. he's such a gentleman. even called a cab for us to make sure we got home safely. unfortunately it was the ice cream that made me sick. swensen's sticky chewy chocolate.... who could resist?

*cough cough cough*

hmmm.... guess i paid the price for that sinful piece of heaven....

*cough cough cough*

Lurrve the new do!!

2006-04-07T16:52:00.000+08:00

i love this look!!! do you all like it? ok so its all butterflies but hey its my blog.. i love it! so dark and mysterious and edgy.... yet soft and fragile and delicate... with a little peek-a-boo effect! the eye on your right is looking to the left at my words... cute right!? hehe!!

wish i had a bod like the girl on your left... * sigh*....... oh well.... i spent over an hour looking for the right pics for this and i'm proud of it... its long overdue but its about time...

another hour and i'm heading home.. the benefits of temping as receptionist at my workplace.. don't tell k... sshhhh.......

My two cents worth...

2006-04-07T15:04:00.000+08:00

ok.. topic of the day....

i'm inspired to write this as a follow-up to my previous entry about women. as sensitive an issue as it is, i will be blunt and straight-forward.

girls and women regardless of age have all at least once been abused by an authoritative figure in their life. more often than not, this figure will tend to be male (boys, guys or men). i understand what it feels like to be disciplined and told to show respect towards the men in my life. but where do you draw the line between discipline and abuse?

why is it that girls and women become victims of abuse by the very people they trusted and care about? i agree that one should respect the men in one's life as it is them that's supposed to protect one's self. but i definitely detest men that abuse women as a way of teaching them a lesson on 'discipline'. whether physical, emotional or mental abuse, to me its just plain wrong. i don't understand how some men can bring themselves to hit their wives, girlfriends, daughters. does the word 'shame' mean anything to them?

don't get the wrong idea. i'm not being a feminist. i'm just stating my opinion on the subject at hand. not all men are like that, yes that's true. but most of them tend to be like that. its the women that suffer in silence, refusing to breathe a word of it to anyone because they don't want to bring down the family name. in other words, they feel ashamed of it. should they be? was it ever their fault? no!!! of course not.. pointing fingers won't solve anything. a beating won't solve anything either.

no matter how much i love or care about the man in my life, i refuse to tolerate if he ever laid a hand on me (as in physically hurt me). i've seen it happen to some friends of mine. yet they still tolerate it. i just can't do that. i'm grateful that it didn't happen to me but i won't think twice if it ever did.....

Why women are great...

2006-04-06T14:00:00.000+08:00

i read this in my email today & i thought i'd share it with everyone. listen up men, this is why you should appreciate your women more..

One Flaw In Women

by the time God made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. an angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

and God answered, "have you seen my spec sheet on her? she has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart and she will do everything with only two hands."

the angel was astounded at the requirements. "only two hands!? no way! and that's just on the standard model? that's too much work for one day. wait until tomorrow to finish.

"but I won't," God protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. she already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

the angel moved closer and touched the woman. "but you have made her so soft."

"she is soft," God agreed, "but I have also made her tough. you have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"will she be able to think?", asked the angel.

God replied, "not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

the angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. i told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"that's not a leak," God corrected, "that's a tear!"

"what's the tear for?" the angel asked.

God said, "the tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

the angel was impressed. "You are a genius, God. You thought of everything! woman is truly amazing."

and she is! women have strengths that amaze men. they bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. they smile when they want to scream. they sing when they want to cry. they cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. they fight for what they believe in. they stand up to injustice. they don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. they go without so their family can have. they go to the doctor with a frightened friend. they love unconditionally. they cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. they are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. their hearts break when a friend dies. they grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. they know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. they'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. the heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. they bring joy, hope and love. they have compassion and ideals. they give moral support to their family and friends. women have vital things to say and everything to give.

however if there is one flaw in women, it is that they forget their worth..... its true isn't it?

This song is my sorry...

2006-03-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

i'm so sorry... i didn't mean all those horrible things i said.. this is for you...

baby i'm in love with you
this ain't the honeymoon
past the infatuation phase
right in the thick of love
at times we get sick of love
it seems like we argue everyday..

i know i misbehaved
and you made your mistakes
and we both still got room left to grow
and though love sometimes hurts
i still put you first
and we'll make this thing work
but i think we should take it slow...

we're just ordinary people
we don't know which way to go
coz we're ordinary people
maybe we should take it slow
take it slow...
this time we'll take it slow
take it slow...
this time we'll take it slow

this ain't a movie no
no fairytale conclusion ya'll
it gets more confusing everyday
sometimes its heaven sent
then we head back to hell again
we kiss then make up on the way..

i hang up you call
we rise and we fall
and we feel like just walking away
as our love advances
we take second chances
though its not a fantasy
i still want you to stay..

we're just ordinary people
we don't know which way to go
coz we're ordinary people
maybe we should take it slow
take it slow...
this time we'll take it slow
take it slow...
this time we'll take it slow

maybe we'll live and learn
maybe we'll crash and burn
maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave
maybe you'll return
maybe another fight
maybe we won't survive
but maybe we'll grow
we never know baby you and i...

Stop controlling me!!!

2006-03-17T13:58:00.000+08:00

i don't understand why he's like that. controlling and confining me. so what's the big deal if i talk to my male colleagues or msg them or eat lunch with them? is that so wrong? i don't say anything when his phone suddenly filled up with his female friends' numbers or if his female friends call him up in the middle of the night or in the wee hours of the morning or if he sends them to work or gives them a lift from work or go out with them or have meals with them....... you see what i'm trying to say?

all i ask is that he give me just a little bit of trust so that i can make new friends and keep them without him breathing down my neck and watching my every move. as the saying goes, trust has to be earned not given... oh come on!!! we've been together more than four years.. you mean to tell me that after four years i still don't deserve his trust?! that's ridiculous!!!

i want my life back. i want to be "me" again instead of "his girl". i've put up with it for too long and i'm sick and tired of it. he said this once to me before so i'm echoing his words now.... "i've had enough of you..."

I'm still here...

2006-03-07T21:00:00.000+08:00

hellooo.. i'm still here. still alive in case u all wondering why i've been quiet lately. so the birthday thing didn't really go as planned. nadia didn't show up (went out with her other friends), me and zy were planning so hard to get everything together but some people didn't cooperate. to cut a long story short, we went to the beach and then had dinner (the birthday boys paid which resulted in ian being broke coz some other people didn't pay). i also turned dead broke coz i spent every last cent i had on a pair of shoes for ian's birthday present. hey they were good shoes ok.. nike air max strip red and silver. it was all worth it once i saw the look on his face when i surprised him with it.

all i wanted to do was to make him happy. maybe i tried too hard coz i must have asked him like 10 times if he was happy on his birthday. ironically, all his friends bought him sports goods as well. a bag & t-shirt from nike, sweater from adidas, water bottle from sigg... plus my shoes, he could be a spokesperson for nike.. now i'm starting to call him 'sponsored by nike'. the funniest present he got if you can believe it........ a g-string with a bird to cover the *toot*!!!!!! kinda looks like a puppet... hahaha!!!! get the idea....

so anyway, i juz got my cheque for half the month so i'm looking forward to some serious shopping... better go make my shopping list now...

I lost my phone...

2006-02-19T16:36:00.000+08:00

arrgh!!! i lost my phone!! the horror... my precious nokia 7610 has gone missing. it was so stupid. i left in the white pouch hanging from the corner of my desk while i was doing my paper. the pouch was supposed to have been for all your valuables and all the desks have the same pouch. stupid old me left it in the pouch after the exam and forgot to take it back. i just stepped outside the sports hall (the exam venue) and went straight in to get my phone but it wasn't there anymore. i can't believe that there are such dishonest people in my school. the same people that took the same exam as me had the nerve to steal my phone. its an outrage!

i'll be getting my sim card on tuesday. so friends, if you do read this post kindly msg me your number because i've lost all my contacts. thanx so much.. i did get a temporary phone. the pink motorola razr. not a good phone. in fact, the only thing i like about it is its colour and size. it just looks nice and that's about it. i'm eyeing the nokia 7370. what can i say? i'm a nokia girl. never did like other phones except nokia. maybe i'll get it in a few months (once i get the extra dough). in the meantime, i'm having my industrial attachment now. i'm attached to rohde & schwarz systems and communications asia. a german based company. very chinese environment with mandarin speaking colleagues. i don't fit in at all. i'm used to that. even though i don't understand or speak mandarin sometimes i do understand what they're talking about. i'm actually doing accounts there in the finance department. good practice for me though. four fifty a month. peanuts but at least its something.

this coming weekend, i'm planning a combined birthday bash for ian, nadia and saiful. looking forward to that. miss my friends a lot. can't wait to spend some quality time with them. thank god i got to meet serene when she dropped by into town early feb. ok, i'll let you all know how the birthday thing goes..

25 days in 2006

2006-01-25T13:22:00.000+08:00

so its been 25 days into 2006.... my blog entries have become less frequent of late. as predicted, many other activities of more importance have kept me occupied for the past 25 days.. the good thing about having a blog is that you can pick up from wherever you left off, which is what i'm about to do right now..

my year 2 exams are on 6th feb (monday) till 10th feb (friday). i'm having papers back-to-back for everyday of the week.. the good thing is that i only have to get it over and done with for the week... the bad thing is that it leaves me a very small window to do some last minute revision coz there's no break in between any papers.. i've somewhat worked out a schedule that i hope will work for me. let's see if i can stick to it.

i'm expecting to pass all my papers and get a decent grade of at least c. i'm not expecting anything more than that as honestly, i didn't work hard at all this semester. to many things affecting me that i'm still trying to get used to. i can't take for granted that i'll always make it through every challenge that life throws at me. perhaps i should be grateful that i am better off than some people but it doesn't make me better than them...

whatever it is, don't be disappointed with me... i tried my best.. just like you did.. its never easy, i know that. at least i didn't give up... (though at time, i almost did)... i'll see you again when its all over. not looking forward to my attachment at all after that... at least i'm getting an allowance for it....

Dreams

2005-12-30T14:40:00.000+08:00

do you ever get the feeling that out of the blue, for no reason at all, you're suddenly thinking about the most unlikely person to ever cross your mind? i believe that dreams (and even nightmares) happen when your soul crosses gets caught up in your mind, intertwined with your thoughts and memories and feelings. more often than not, dreams and nightmares never make any sense. there's always an element of mystery and impossibility about it. you can never remember every single detail but the main focus is always there. sometimes it feels so real that you don't even know you're dreaming.

i had a dream last night. it was very strange but damn good. the surroundings were calm, peaceful and serene. white sandy beach, clear blue-green waters, exotic villa, wind in my hair. ian was in it. i know what you're thinking. how romantic rite? the shocking part was that james (ian's old friend) was in it too. it truly was a slice of heaven if not for what happened next. i can't remember much about what happened in between. i do remember that ian was in a room in the villa and james brought me out to swim in the ocean. i didn't even feel like i was actually swimming. it felt more like as if he was a dolphin and i held onto his fin. he was really taking me far out into the ocean and i remembered sharks in our midst. and just like that, he brought me back to shore and back to the villa. i was falling asleep to the sound of the waves crashing and the wind...

then ian was by my side and we were cuddling. then he said "do you want to marry me?". i replied "yeah, of course." and he swept me off my feet, carried me into another room where james was dozing off on a canopy bed. "hey man, mama five's gonna marry me." was what he said. this is the weird part. 'mama five'!? was that supposed to be me? doesn't make any sense rite? a lazy smile crept onto james's face and he left the room. i was rudely awakened by the sound of a phone ringing and my dream faded away into the abyss.

like i mentioned earlier, dreams never made any sense. i never believe what some people say about dreams. you know, the usual rubbish like the opposite of what you dream will happen in real life or whatever you dream will come true in the near future. dreams are just a way for you to escape from reality for a night. in my 18 years in this world, none of my dreams have ever come true. i definitely don't expect it to...

Blog makeover part II

2005-12-09T12:30:00.000+08:00

ok.. i just fixed the time settings on my blog and now all my posts are dated wrong. guess this is the one entry with the correct time and date. anyway, today is papa's birthday. he's 46 now. we're all going to go have dinner at the banana leaf apollo restaurant at farrer park later tonite. can't wait to have tandoori chicken, fish curry, chicken masala, cheese and keema naan..... mmm... makes me drool just thinking about it..

speaking of food, there's this bazaar going on at school and they've got chocolate fondue. imagine fresh fruits, marshmallows and cookies on a stick and place right on a chocolate fountain... yes a CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN.... its like straight out of charlie and the chocolate factory only slightly smaller. so cool... wish i had a chocolate fountain. i wonder how they clean up at the end of the day.. i'm planning to get some later after tax lab session.

dee and zy dropped by for breakfast. they were from the gym.. haha!! zy was saying that she lost 200 calories. then i said " yeah... and u just gained it all back after eating macdonalds breakfast ".... =p ..... hey i'm digressing..

i really wanted to talk about my blog makeover. changing the settings was the first step. i'm thinking of putting in new pics but i don't know which to put in. hmmm.... i'll really have to think about that.... we'll see how it goes..

Blog makeover..

2005-12-07T13:10:00.000+08:00

i'm glad french oral is over. its nerve wrecking talking in front of a group of people in a foreign language. i had to write my own script and it wasn't exactly the best but i guess the simpler the better. that way i have a lesser chance of mispronouncing my words. but that's over and i think i did ok. by the way, which one of you said that my dress is like plastic? haloo!! its organza. the material is supposed to look different under the influence of different lighting.. plastic? hah!!

my four year anniversary is in 12 days. haven't made any plans yet. not sure what i want to do. or what we're doing for that matter. damn... its so hard to write when you're half listening to infocomm gibberish in ict class. i heard the word zombie. some machine used by hackers to spoil some systems......... shit! time's up...

I'll be ok..

2005-11-29T05:20:00.000+08:00

so i'm leaving the stress of last week behind and facing the stress of this week. a lot of things happened last weekend... things i don't really want to talk about....... i know, i know.. i always share my everything in here but seriously.. what happened is too much for me to stomach...

i want to thank ian for getting me that butterfly ring from chomel. i really love it... that's what i get for washing your uniform. yes people... i do wash his clothes. not machine wash but hand wash. hand wash as in scrub-till-your-hands-turn-numb. he did not force me or anything. i did it out of the willingness of my heart. honestly, i don't like the idea that my future hubby is working in dirty clothes. i know they're just small stains but its still visible. i'm really meticulous about these sort of things.

i didn't really get a chance to put up any hari raya pics but here's one of me and ian all decked out in green that i managed to get. all thanx to yan (i call her bikini shop girl!). whoops! gotta got for lecture..

What's up with all the coms?

2005-11-23T12:10:00.000+08:00

i'm not exactly in the best of moods right now. for the last 45 mins i've been in the lab at school trying to get some work done but nothing is done at all. i don't know why i can't get through the elearn files on cms coz i've got an essay on national education that is due tomorrow and i only knew about it today. i can't do the essay coz i don't even know what the question is coz i can't access the bloody system. i've got some powerpoint slides to do for my ict project and i can't do it without the report. the soft copy is with my team mate who was supposed to send it to all the members yesterday. i can't download the report from my home pc coz it malfunctioned. without the report i can't do the slides and presentation is on thursday. its so freaking irritating!!!

another thing i want to add. this blog is sort of a glimpse into my life. i'm not goin to make my life sound like a fairy tale coz i know its not perfect. i also won't make my life sound so miserable or depressing either. what i write about is what i'm going through, what's happening to me and what i'm feeling. its the truth. the raw truth. its everything including the good and the bad. so i don't appreciate it if somebody says i shouldn't be writing certain stuff. i'm not prejudice, discriminating, or extremely vulgar in all my posts. therefore, i don't see why i should be listening to people telling me what i should write and what i shouldn't write. get my point?

a lot of people say that they don't really know me that well. then here's your big chance. everything you need to know about me is in here. whether you like what you see or not is simply not an issue to be discussed. that is it. end of story....

Break time

2005-11-11T04:45:00.000+08:00

having break now. got french class later at 1pm.

ifah loves anna!!!!!!!!!!! (written by anna)

as i was saying, i'm having lunch break now. going to french class later. did i tell you that my french name is ariane (pronounced ah-ree-ann).. wonder what we're going to learn today. everyone's like so caught up with the cs (counter strike) craze at school. you know the gun shooting game that makes you dizzy after staring at the computer screen after only 5 mins... at least that's how i feel. i can't believe some of my friends are willing to forgo their lunch break for half an hour of cs.. if cs doesn't satisfy the guys, they turn to warcraft. they sure are brave taking such risks... hey its their life.. why i'm writing this is coz i'm in the com lab where i can see many people entertaining themselves by furiously clicking the mouse and keyboard buttons in sync with their chosen game... and also coz i have nothing much to write about.

merci beaucoup! au revoir!!

Selamat Hari Raya!!

2005-11-10T05:41:00.000+08:00

hello hello my friends!! sorry i've been away so long. busy with stuff. i actually wrote a post some time before hari raya. then when i wanted to publish it, my com went dead. wasted my effort coz it was a pretty long entry. i know its a little late but selamat hari raya to all my muslim friends and family!!! i'm wearing green this year. so far i've been to quite a few houses. only have to wait for people to come over my place for the time being. when are you all coming over anyway? haven't really had a chance to go visiting with him coz he's been busy working. the poor dear had to work on hari raya. he didn't get any leave. how to show off our matching outfits like this? then must wait for my girlfriends to finish their a levels before we can meet up. at least its slightly better than last year. i hardly went out at all last year coz of work. my icas are coming up. projects are due soon. stress setting in. so now i'm going to head down to the airport to do my tutorials, attempt to study taxation, and squeeze in a meal with ian during his break. chao!

That is sooo rude.......

2005-10-22T15:22:00.000+08:00

i've had with him being rude to me and disrespecting me. i know i'm just a female and he's my fiancee but that does not give him the right to treat me in that manner. i'm the type of person that would give due respect to everyone provided they show me that same respect that i rightfully deserve. but if you do stupid things that piss me off or if you're rude to me, you better watch out coz i can do things to you many, many times worse.

he has this irritating habit of blowing bubbles with his saliva. and he blew one right at my face missing my nose by a millimeter. so i hit him very lightly at the side of his face near his ear. i had a helmet bag slung over my shoulder and he started fiddling with the bag while i was still trying to throw some light blows at him. by the way, all this was some harmless playful fun up till the next moment. he fiddled with the bag till my hand got tangle with the strap and when i finally broke free he threw the bag at my feet expecting me to pick it up. that bag contain food which i was planning to save for later. so i screamed at him,

"there's food in there!!!!"

i made him pick the bag up on his own. i refuse to pick up after him when he throws things around. then we started arguing about how that bubble almost hit me which to me is the equivalent of him spitting at me because his saliva will come unto me either way. and that is gross and despicable and utterly unacceptable to me. then he said,

"i know where its going and it didn't hit you anyway. ( which meant that he was planning for that bubble to hit me )... that's not spitting. you wanna know what's spitting? i'll show you what's spitting..... phute!!"

two small drops of saliva hit my face. then i start hitting him like nobody's business. blow after blow after blow... and he hit me back with another round of blows... all the while he was laughing at me, mocking me, making a fool out of me. then one blow hit his face. and he said i was being rude to him. me!! being rude to him?! look who's talking!! and this went on and on and on till we reached home. then he said i argued with him so loudly in front of my dad and embarassed him.. the last thing he said to me,

"i don't wanna talk to you.."

and we haven't been talking since 1 hour 7 mins ago...

Cough cough

2005-10-20T04:50:00.000+08:00

god my throat hurts. must be all that smoke yesterday at devil's bar. i don't smoke. generally, i don't have anything against people that smoke as long as the smoke's out of my face. i have no idea why but its as if my face attracted cigarette smoke last nite. on my face, my eyes, my hair, my clothes, everywhere!! i've already washed my hair but the smell's still there. ugh!! gross!! i wanna go home and sleep.. i need water.. my throat's burning..

natasha got seventh place at devil's idol. i think she deserves better. but those that did win the top places, save for a couple of deserving ones, only got through coz of the votes. stupid, fuck-shit piece of crap... she's a "raw diamond that can be polished to shine through".. no matter about the drunken boss. anyway, 500 bucks is still something. got lecture after this.. national education.. then 3.30pm i'm homebound..

Stolen! Violated! Replaced!

2005-10-18T12:08:00.000+08:00

someone stole ian's motorcycle parts and replaced them with old rundown ones!! the nerve of some people. its just ridiculous. who would be so stupid to do such a thing? allow me to list down all the damages.

1. headlight inclusive of black front body. (replaced with red headlight body that did not fit because its a different model)

2. side mirror. (missing)

3. two main screws attached to the left side of the engine. (missing, caused the engine oil to flow out of the screw holes when engine is running)

4. red engine cover on the right side. (accessory to protect the engine)

5. front vehicle number plate. (yes, stolen as well)

6. wires attached to signal lights and automatic start button were cut. (basically, its a dead bike)

i'm furious. who would want to do such a stupid thing? that bike is about 2 years old. it ain't brand new. why go through all that effort to steal some stuff and attempt to cover up by replacing with old shit? that is low... there's no other word to describe it. insurance doesn't cover it either. only if the whole bike is stolen then he can make a claim. the scene of the crime is at the multi-storey carpark blk 339 sembawang close deck a3 motorcycle parking lot number 80. discovered on monday 17/10/05 afternoon at about 2.50pm. we made a police report shortly after. did not touch the bike at all. left it the way it was. the parts were dusted for fingerprints. they found some prints as well as a serial number on the replaced parts. those were confiscated as evidence.

we don't know who did it but i'm sure whoever it was, that same person that stole two of our heltmets and other small accessories on separate occasions. but hey, what goes around comes around... whoever did it will get what's coming. especially now, the fasting month. those that do good will be rewarded, those that do wrong will be punished. perhaps this will be a blessing in disguise for ian. he's the kindest person in the world. yet bad things always happen to him. the person that did this vile act will pay. that cheap piece of fuck shit will pay....

Dinner with CC2

2005-10-15T06:02:00.000+08:00

dinner with cc2 aas peeps yesterday at seoul garden. haha!! it was awesome. we occupied the whole row at the back. i ate till my tummy was bulging. we treated the place like our father's restaurant. talking, screaming, shouting, laughing, taking photos. stuffing our pie holes with chicken, beef, eggs, prawns and ice cream. i'm so proud the spicy garlic prawns that i barbequed for my table. i sat with ying jia, dilys, yj, najihah, hafeez, jasmine a, and faizal. the loud crowd!!yummy!! and the sausage and onion omellette me, ying jia and dilys cooked up tasted so good!! it was hilarious. i pity the waiters. we made a huge mess yesterday and they had to clean up after us. i don't think they expected so many people to turn up. plus it was so obvious they were short of staff. to the waiters at seoul garden yesterday, thanx so much for being so accommodating.

there was another big group there. all girls. they don't look like convent girls though. we've got so much more class. and this irritating bi-atch wearing a red top kept looking at the window behind us to check out her reflection and adjust her hair right in front of us. she's not even hot. more like below average. we were all bitching about her. hafeez even re-enacted what she was doing while we all laughed aloud.

*break in blog*
those idiots are reading blogs out loud again.. haha!! read this out guys. get a life!!!! hahaha!!!
*resume blogging*

anyway, ian was eating outside alone yesterday. i told him to come join us but he didn't want to. i felt so bad eating all that good food with even better company while he's all alone. still didn't explain why he had to be so grumpy. he's in a better mood today. its the last day at cc2. its also the last day of tep. hurray!! i survive 6 mths of free labour!! i'm goin back to classical!! did i mention i'm taking french language next semester? i didn't? i'm taking french language next semester!!! *sings* i'm taking french! i'm taking french! i'm taking french! *stops singing* i'm goin to start uploading some pictures to my blog now. its been long neglected. to all my cc2 peeps, i love you all so much!! i'll miss you people but must stick together k! you're all a really great bunch. we can all meet up sometime and go for dinner or whatever.

*sing to the tune of atomic kitten's whole again*

if you see me walking around in school,
staring at the sky,
dragging my two feet,
and you just pass me by,
without saying 'hi!',
i'll scream out at you again!!

if you see with my other friends,
laughing and joking,
doing what i can,
please don't turn away,
i still want you around,
you can make me smile again..

looking back on where we first met,
i cannot escape and i cannot forget,
you peeps are the one,
you all still turn me on (hahaha!!),
you all can make me whole again!!!!

enjoy the pictures!!

Dinner with the girls..

2005-10-10T13:45:00.000+08:00

break fast last nite with the girlfriends. we had a hell of a time. we talked, joked and laughed the whole night. a lot of things to catch up on. we were supposed to go to breeks at takashimaya but changed plans at the last minute. all coz of my baby, ian. he wanted to eat at fish & co at wheelock. azmi and zul were working that time. so then i told him to go there earlier to get a table for us. he finished work at 4.30pm anyway. the poor darling had to wait for us for an hour. he was sitting alone at the table coz the restaurant don't take reservations on weekends.

i took the train and met dee at toa payoh. i thought i was late but she was even later than me. she looked gorgeous in a long tiered boho skirt, white tube, a blue cardigan and black butterfly heels. yes, the same one my mother has in white. i was wearing my black butterfly heels too. haha! great minds think alike. gosh! its been so long since i've seen her. so we took the train to orchard and met nadia and faisal. yup, i'm proud to say that i have really hot girlfriends. love the top girl! a sheer, long-sleeved off-shoulder top. faisal looked great too. have you ever seen a guy pull off a soft light green tshirt with rhinestones, berms and white sneakers without looking gay? faisal did it. ok enough with the outfit analysis.

so we all walked to wheelock. ian kept calling me asking me what i want to order. so impatient! can't you wait till we reach? so we all got there and then came zy and saiful. now that we're all here sitting at the table we can order while all the other people are standing in line at the ridiculously long queue that kept swaying from the left, to the centre, to the right. then us girls started talking and gossiping and bitching and taking photos. we're all camera whores you know. then we finally decided to order. let me tell you it was a lot of food. we had seafood platter for two ( enough for four or five actually), best fish & chips in town, two new york fish & chips, sambal fillet with rice, two black pepper stingrays (one with rice, the other with chips), fried calamari, two jungle freeze and two sharkie freeze. all that for seven people. it was a feast. not to mention our kind server ivan was great. if you ever dine at fish & co wheelock, ask for ivan. he really delivers good service.

i found out and dee is actually interested in a malay guy. that's like a shock to me coz she's always had a thing for chinese guys. maybe coz she's part chinese. out of the four of us, dee's the only one who never had a serious guy. zy and nadia, i mean their relationships are complicated, the on and off kind. i'm not trying to say that my relationship with ian is perfect ( which its not). my point is, we've been friends for almost five years. i'm the first one that's going to settle down. we're all still young. i just chose to make that decision early. my girls are all independent. they don't like to be tied down to a rock you know what i mean. dee, i'm still waiting for you to start dating. haha!

it was nice having dinner with all of them again. feels just like old times back when we're in ijtp. at least they're not bickering with their guys. we walked downtown to cineleisure. we thought of catching a movie but there were only midnite shows. dee and nadia had to catch the train home early. even though we're 18 we still have curfews. fasting month some more. not good to stay out late. we played pool instead. my skills are getting worse and worse. i'm so lousy i bet you'd pay for me to stop playing. must really start practising again. ian and me reached home at 11.45pm. it was so humid i took a shower before i went to bed. of course ian stayed up to watch soccer with my dad. men! and so it concludes my dinner with my darling girlfriends. zy!! you have my bracelet! naughty naughty you!!

got some pictures here. only 3 but i'll try to get some more..

me and dee...

my greedy monkey eating fries...

nad, dee & me..

Mmm.. Pies...

2005-10-07T04:25:00.000+08:00

i'm collecting the pies today. mmm... chicken pies... can't wait to sink my teeth in them. i'm leaving sch at 3.30pm today. applied for flexi leave. get to go home early. baby will fetch me. we're planning to go to the bazaar at woodlands to buy food home for breaking fast. my sista coming over with her hubby. we're all goin to have a nice family dinner tonite. i want to go geylang. mum said they're selling the straw bag that i want at only $12.90. i also want to buy dendeng. the barbeque meat is really nice and we all only get to eat it once a year. i wonder when i can go. maybe tomorrow nite? baby's off day i think. or maybe saturday. i'm meeting dee and zy to break fast together. haven't decided where to go yet. dad's not working this weekend. i'm certain my parents will be at geylang. they never miss an opportunity to go out together. oh! i've got a question.. anyone know what the furry, big eyed animal with a tail in madagascar is called? the one that that sang "i like to move it, move it.... you like to... MOVE IT!!!? baby was asking me yesterday. his colleague keep calling him panda bear and he wants to call her that big eyed creature. so i told him "i don't know. oompa loompa?" hahahaha!!!! i know its not oompa loompa. oompa loompa is from charlie and the chocolate factory not madagascar. and he laugh and laugh and laugh. it was hilarious.. ok 2 more hours and i'm home bound....

I'm sleepy..

2005-10-04T08:05:00.000+08:00

*yawn*... i'm sleepy.. so tired of making calls. don't feel like doing anything now. i went shopping at causeway pt last friday with my mum and dad. bought 2 pairs of heels. a pretty black butterfly pair and a sexy bronze pair from charles and keith. picked out a pair of lovely pink wedges for my mum. i really like that pair but i didn't get it for myself. baby says wedges don't look nice at all. so i don't wear it even though i really like it. i only dress to impress him. and only him. that's why i always ask his opinion whenever i don't know what to where. anyway, our little shopping escapade earned me a charles and keith vip card. pretty savvy eh? we had bbq ribs and black pepper beef at cavana's after that. the portions were huge! but i love the ribs. the meat just melts in your mouth. mmmm...

i stayed home on saturday. yes, shocking i know. he didn't want to go out. he's tired. i can understand. after all he finished work at 3am that morning. i let him sleep till noon. we rented rush hour 2 vcd and slack at home. he had to work at 5pm. so i spent saturday nite watching tv. it was sweet of him to bring me out on sunday. we had lunch at hard rock cafe then watched dukes of hazzard after that. i wanted to watch corpse bride actually. but he didn't. anyway, the bag i've been eyeing at the limited edition store at heeren is gone. *sniff* :( where can i get it now? if anyone seen a plain black vintage sling bag with a hot pink "adidas" emblazoned at the front, please buy it for me.. don't worry i'll pay you back. thanx so much..

Four brothers rock!!!!

2005-10-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

anyone planning to catch a movie this weekend? must watch four brothers!! it totally rocks! farking awesome! saw it last nite with my baby at yishun. rushed down after school to catch the 940 show. was on nite shift yesterday. and we didn't have to pay a single cent for the tickets. we had free passes thanx to california fitness. then we bought long john silver's and snuck it into the theater. haha! that's what we tend to do nowadays. cinema food is so expensive nowadays. but seriously, four brothers is a damn good show. i even cried at one part. this show personifies the word brotherhood. it has the perfect mix of violence, suspense, love, loyalty, sex, and a twisted plot. it makes you want to be fiercely protective of your loved ones coz it'll only take a second for them to disappear from your life forever. i'm not going to tell you the whole story. go watch it. its worth every penny.

Its been a long time..

2005-09-28T02:01:00.000+08:00

aah!! haven't blogged for a week!! my internet at home's down. plus all the calling and presentation last week left me physically drained. so many things to say so little time. let's start at the beginning of last week..

so i had to do nite calling on tuesday. i actually like it. its so much more peaceful and pleasant. the environment i mean, not the customers. time passed by faster too.. technically, its coz nite shift people work lesser hours. now my shoulders and back have been aching from sitting in front of the pc all the time. i really need a good massage.

wednesday's fashion show was a disaster. a complete waste of time. seriously, we could do so much better than those 'artistry professionals'. they look more like amateurs to me. what's the deal with putting blusher on guys? hello!? you're supposed to use bronzer. that's like the number one rule for putting makeup on guys. we bailed out of that place as soon as we could. at least there was some good out of it all. the mua girls did get together and bonded over supper at bugis. that was fun. we were all openly criticising the entire fashion show.

thursday and friday were spent preparing for friday's presentation. it turned out fine. i was a little nervous at first but i pulled through. consolidating all the reports on friday was a nightmare! a record 10 agents were on medical leave. 10 agents!! on the busiest day of the week!! it was hell i tell you. so much for going home on time. we team leaders only got to leave at almost 6pm. at least after that i could just toss it all aside and enjoy quality time with my dearie. we went to catch 'the brothers grimm' at marina. it was so cool. the idea of combining all the fairy tales that you read when you were just kids, giving it a dark twist and voila! you got a great movie!! there's a dark humour that surrounds this movie. it makes me wanna read all the fairy tales all over again.

marina square is huge now. there's so many cool and funky shops that are popping up there. i bought a green butterfly necklace and some beaded bracelets. i love the shop that sold the butterfly necklace. its jewellery are one of a kind pieces and extremely limited. you know i'm crazy about anything with butterflies. the bracelets were from rastafari. they've got a new outlet there. ya man!! its a great place to hang out. i'm really looking forward to going there again.

saturday i went for a barbeque with my parents at my mum's friend's house. my mum's friend has a daughter at nyp too and we chatted while our mothers were busy with all the other 'makciks'. i took a bus to newton to meet my baby after that. the poor darling.. he injured his ankle while playing soccer a his company tournament that day and he was limping all the way. he surely had a hard time riding the bike. his ankle was swollen pretty bad. after our seafood dinner i called my dad to come pick us up. there's no way i'm gonna let him get on that bike with his leg like that. we left the bike at newton and went home in my dad's rented car. i put an ice pack straight away once we reached home. he took my mum's painkillers to help him sleep.

sunday i accompanied him to the doctor. the bloody clinic was closed when we got there. it pissed me off that he had to go all the way to the airport to see the company doctor and hand in his mc. i mean he's limping for god's sake!! and limp he did up and down the bus all the way to the airport. he didn't want to waste 20 bucks on cab fare. being the strong supportive girl that i am, i stood by his side. the doctor said his ligaments were stretched. if they were torn he would have had to go to the hospital. he had 2 days mc and the nurse taught me how to bandage his ankle. i kept teasing him about how a snail can crawl faster than he can walk. i wasn't trying to be mean. i just wanted to make him laugh.

i took mc yesterday to take care of him. so what? i've got another 4 days of mc to clear. we got the bike back and went to bedok corner to eat our favourite chicken rice. we got free movie tickets by taking a tour around california fitness. still haven't used it yet. we'll save it for another day. movie tickets are expensive nowadays.

today i'm goin for dinner with my godsis whose pregnant. haven't seen her in a long time. she must be huge now. can't wait to see her. after that i'm going to devil's bar to watch tasha perform for devil's idol semi-finals. go tasha!! remember girl, i'm your number one fan!! okay that's about it. gotta get back to calling now..

week 5..

2005-09-20T00:50:00.000+08:00

its week 5. i'm halfway through the last round of tep. yesss!!! can't wait to get it over and done with. then i can go bag to classical. see all my wonderful classmates again. go for lectures and tutorials. or i can just skip them if i don't want to. that would just great. for now, i'm waiting for wednesday. i'll get my allowance then and i've got a lot of stuff to do. there's a fashion show me and the mua girls are attending on wednesday nite courtesy of ricky from ca associates. really excited about it. haven't quite figured out what i wanna wear yet. hmm... that's another dilemma. what should you wear to a fashion show? time to raid my wardrobe. perhaps me and him could go for a movie sometime this week. we're planning on having our favourite seafood dinner at newton. its been a while since we had bbq stingray, deep fried baby squid, and kailan with oyster sauce. mmmm.... heavenly....

calling, Calling, CALLING!!!!

2005-09-15T00:07:00.000+08:00

oh my god!! this calling business is really taking its toll. i don't wanna be pessimistic about it but seriously, 120 calls a day? 40 completed updates daily? how is anyone supposed to come up with that number? its just so unrealistic. i've only got 8 completed updates so far when the actual target to date is 100. that's bad. curse you tep!!!! arrgh!!!! all that calling is depriving me of my personal time to blog. with my pc at home going bonkers everytime, i'm quite pissed off about it. i'm really tempted to just take the numbers of all those mean people and make prank calls to them. that'll teach them not to be rude ever again..

i'm hungry. haven't been eating well lately. my pockets are a little empty at the moment. i've got $5 bucks left till who knows when. its ok. it'll be like i'm dieting. no breakfast, just lunch and maybe dinner. that's ok right? hmm.. yeah.. maybe...

groans

2005-09-13T06:30:00.000+08:00

ohh... *groans in agony* my tummy hurts. me and my two brothers are sick today. me and hendra's been stricken with a bout of diarrhea. its terrible i tell you. really, really terrible. hendri's got sore eyes plus a slight fever. he gets 2 days mc. the lucky devil.. i feel so grossed out. i've been practically living in the toilet since early morning. latest count was 7 times. ewww.. i know, its disgusting. i could be more specific with details but i'll spare you the torture.

first my dad sent me and hendri to the doctor in the morning. we saw the doctor, got our medicine, bought breakfast to go and ate at home (my fault coz the toilet's calling again). when we got home, hendra called from school. he wants to go home coz he's been shitting his ass off at school. the poor dear. i can't imagine how it'd be like if i had actually made it to school this morning. i'd probably park myself in the confines of the toilet cubicle with my pants down just in case it comes out again. anyway, my dad picked him up from school and brought him home.

the moral of the story is... if one of your kids don't feel well, don't send all of them to school. round up the whole lot and take them to the family doctor. save you the trouble of goin back to their school and fetching them one by one. and always let mum know about it. you don't wanna know what mum will do if she doesn't about it. time to take my medicine again. charcoal tablets.. yummy..

Go on.. go..

2005-09-11T06:47:00.000+08:00

i don't understandwhy he's so pissed off at me. what the hell did i do wrong? he's leaving for malacca tomorrow morning. some soccer trip. if this is how he wants it to be, then fine. go on. leave that way. of all the weekends, he chose this weekend to have an attitude. for god's sake its a saturday!! you're off today and i don't have anything on. we should be spending our precious time together. instead, this cold war is suddenly happening. its such a waste. you really wanna be this way? i bet you just can't wait to go. its ok.... go ahead. do whatever you want. i'm not gonna stop you. as if i could ever stop you from doing anything. i don't wanna think about it anymore. hope you're happy....

Bad day..

2005-09-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

where is the moment when you need it the most

you kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

they tell me your blue skies fade to grey

they tell me your passion's gone away

and I don't need to carry on

you stand in the line just to hit a new low

you're faking a smile with the coffee to go

you tell me your life's been way off line

you're falling to pieces everytime

cause you had a bad day

you're taking one down

you sing a sad song just to turn it around

you say you don't know

you tell me don't lie

you work at a smile and you go for a ride

you had a bad day

the camera don't lie

you're coming back down and you really don't mind

you had a bad day

well you need a blue sky holiday

the point is they laugh at what you say

sometimes the system goes on the blink

and the whole thing turns out wrong

you might not make it back and you know

that you could be well oh that strong

and I'm not wrong

a short improvised version of daniel powter's bad day. coz i'm having a bad day today. woke up late. bag still not packed yet. shoes didn't fit properly. left my house late. missed the train. had to take a cab. fucking atm machine had no tens so i couldn't withdraw my twenty. had to go find another atm machine to get my freakin twenty bucks. walked all the way back to the taxi stand. bloody cab fare cost me ten bucks. ten bucks!! from sembawang to nyp!!! ten bucks!!! unbelievable! its usually about 6 to 7 bucks tops.

sorry, i don't mean to swear at the shit-ass cabby. i mean he was tryin to be nice but i'm in a rush man! i don't wanna hear your small talk or have a lil chit-chat about the god-damn traffic. i've gotta get to school!! couldn't you tell from my stone-cold face? still, he was nice enough to wish me a nice day. i appreciated that coz at this point i really need it. got off the cab and raced to get to the lift before it went up. who should i bump into in the lift other than.... ying jia!! she had a bad morning too. her train was a complete nightmare. the doors wouldn't open at all the stations for a very long time. she forgot her lanyard too. all in all, we walked in our office at 8.37. great 7 minutes late.

furthermore, today we're supposed to start calling up customers for our client-based project. now i'll really have to get my act together. i'm so not in the mood to meet bad customers. especially over the phone. i've got a makeup photoshoot later after school. gosh! there's like ten million things to do today. and there's ten million more things that can go wrong! hope i'll survive the day. its friday.. i'm surprised its not friday the 13th...

Moody..

2005-09-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

i don't know what's up with today. its so cold and grey outside. kinda like my mood. its on a rollercoaster ride right now. i feel down and out. and hell, it really shows. i'm sorry if i've offended anyone today. its nothing personal, i'm just somber. maybe its pms. arrgh!! i don't know. i've been really snappy and irritated by every little thing. i guess maybe that's why i work better alone. i mean hey, if u wanna do everything on your own go ahead. u don't need me sitting there like a dumb dog at your beck and call. why bother asking me for my opinion if u don't give a damn what i think or what i say? ok i'm digressing.. sorry.. i'm really bummed out.. i want my baby. he's the only one that can make me feel better.. :( please help me!!!

Screams of a butterfly..

2005-09-07T02:56:00.000+08:00

edited my blogskin again. i'm trying out this screams of a butterfly concept. i'm crazy about butterflies so this picture really touched me. i love how her eyes are wide open in shock yet something about her face and hair gives the picture a very soft touch. the butterfly in her mouth appeals to me though i don't really know why. can u imagine a butterfly screaming? hey just coz we can't hear it doesn't mean that they don't. i guess i'd like to think of myself as a butterfly screaming, wondering if anyone would ever hear me. hence, the name of my blog "screams of a butterfly". i added the pic and text myself. i wanted something original and individual. something i can relate to... *grr.. grrr..* that was my stomach growling. i'm so hungry. didnt have any breakfast.. :(

i had a dream yesterday. i was in a bedroom with huge windows from ceiling to floor. it was dark outside. sometimes when it gets cloudy at nite, the sky seems to turn a deep red. the atmosphere was the same in my dream. there was a man sleeping on a mattress on the floor. there were two beds in the room adjacent to each other in an L-shaped formation. the layout was kinda like my room except the floor was completely bare. i don't know who the man is. then my mother appeared. she was looking towards the window. i looked up to where she was looking. through the window grilles, i saw a white cloth hanging from the top grille. the deep red sky outside illuminated it causing it to look bloodstained. then my mother said out loud "who's that? wear your clothes properly and show yourself!". the cloth unfolded into a long nightgown and this lady with long, straight, and unruly jet-black hair was in it. she was floating high above the floor near the window. it scared the shit outta me! i remembered my mum asking her "is this the father of your child?" gesturing to the sleeping man. the lady flew down towards the man and her appearance changed. she no longer looked menacing and threatening. she sat down just beside the man hugging her knees close to her body. she now had a porcelain face lined with tears that fell from her eyes. she looked really sad, hurt and vulnerable. i don't remember what happened next....

all i know is that i woke up and my eyes were teary. i don't know what the dream means. but it scared me. my dreams in general never made any sense. there are times where i would wake up crying, i would suddenly scream in my sleep, i would grit my teeth so hard my jaws would hurt in the morning, or i would wake up and find scratches on my baby's face whenever he's around. i'm not one to read a lot into dreams but i admit my dreams do scare me sometimes...

Sentosa!

2005-09-06T01:50:00.000+08:00

the trip to sentosa was a blast!! we had loads and loads of fun. really enjoyed swimming and tanning with the mua girls. haha!! i got my tan. though i got a little burn at my chest. oh well.. haha!! here's some of the pics we took. it'll just crack u up.. we took pics of everything, our hands, feet, body parts, even the scene at the beach.. enjoy!!!

rain...

or shine.....

we had a great time..

we took our hands...

our feet..

fingers...

limbs..

faces..

other body parts..

now comes our vogue shots..

i've got a flower in my hair!

dreamy sexy babes..

don't touch!

wannabe cheerleaders!! haha!

the next ms singapore? hahaha!! as if!!

aww.. so sweet!

faz, me, rina!! vogue!!!

multicoloured mermaids.... (yeah rite!)

check out our mats. mine's the blue checkered one...

huda & me!!

wow.. what big noses we have.. haha!!

siti and me..

me & huda.. hee!

siti's cousin and her guy...

happily taking pics?

wet & wild! hey, don't get any funny ideas... its the prez & vice prez k.. don't play play!!

bikinis, shades and girls.... great combination..

ooh! cleavage!

after we changed, more glamour shots...

mua girls after showers..

group hug!

a few more pics....

me and faz

me, yani, siti..

then we went home...

New blog

2005-09-03T06:45:00.000+08:00

i've just finished a test on the client project. it was tough but i think i'll be able to pass. thank god i bothered to really look through the website just now. anyway, what do u think of my new blog? i added in my own pics. I think plain blogs where u can add your own pics are better. coz then u'll be able to personalise it much easier. i'm not really satisfied though. see, i really love my original blogskin. the one with a pic of a couple on the road and all the black and pink swirly thingys. i wanted to put my own pic over the black swirly thing but actually it was part of the original pic so the whole thing disappeared when i changed it. so i sorta improvised a little. i'm really new to all this so i just slowly took my time and tried to learn on my own. of course, when i really couldn't do it, i asked ying jia to help me. after all, she's the one who helped me when i "gave birth" to my blog. haha!! thanx so much ying jia.. anyway, if i come across a plain blog skin that i like maybe i'll change again. depends on my mood.

its friday nite and i'm looking forward to the weekend. i've got a picnic with the mua girls tomorrow morning and a bbq party with hafeez, jasmine, naj and all their peeps at nite. yay! that reminds me.. i've gotta make konyaku jelly later for the picnic tmr. better call mama. let her foot the bill. hehe!! oh crap. gotta go for sharing session. later!!!

Irritating bi-atch..

2005-09-02T07:02:00.000+08:00

i'm so fucking pissed.

she is such a bi-atch.

a selfish, self-centered bi-atch.

who the hell do u think u are!?

get the hint.

i don't wanna have anything to do with u.

don't u talk to me.

don't u even look at me.

just fuck off!!!!

Best dressed girl..

2005-09-02T01:35:00.000+08:00

i'm really dressed up rite now. i've got presentation at 2.45 later. supposed to wear formal today. i didn't feel like wearing my pants so i wore my mum's skirt instead. its long and black and i really love the feel of it on my skin. i just had to fold it up at the waist coz its too long. then i wore my green striped mango halter and top it off with my bolero.. it matched perfectly! but maybe its a lil too dressy for school... oh well.. i also carried my dior saddle bag today. the one he gave me for our engagement. i've never carried it before. fresh off the package. overall, i like how i look today.. formal and elegant. best of all, my dearie's fecthing me from school today!! i hope we can go out. maybe dinner or something. did i mention that i'm wearing my engaement ring today? whoops!! guess i didn't...

Are u crazy?

2005-09-01T13:59:00.000+08:00

firstly, a big happy 1st month to ying jia & jason. may u guys have many more happy moments with each other and please spare me all the 'emo'. enjoy the shopping spree tmr!

i had an early nite yesterday. i stirred at 5.15am and he wasn't there, he wasn't in his bed. then i panicked. i called him twice before he finally picked up my call. his voice sounded sleepy. i asked him where he was and he specifically said "i'm outside". i nearly burst out screaming at him. i mean i thought he was sleeping outside in god knows where. i freaked out. i felt so worried when i open my eyes and he's not where he's supposed to be. i nearly broke down and cried. i mean like how can u not call me if u're gonna be somewhere else after work other than home. besides there's not a single good excuse in the whole world to explain why he'll be out at 5.15 in the morning when he should be sleeping at home. then he calmed me down. he said what he meant by outside was that he's sleeping at the hall on the couch. i just hung up the phone and went to the hall. i guess he must have fallen asleep while watching soccer or something. there were chips, empty nut wrappers, 7-11 plastic bags and a water bottle on the coffee table. he was still lying on the couch! i took his hand and dragged him back to his bed. he went back to sleep almost immediately after his head hit the pillow. sadly, i couldn't sleep so well after that. i had to get up for school at 6.45 anyway.

i dunno what got over me but i snuck in and crawled into his bed. i really miss him so much. i held him so tight like i'd never let him go. i looked up into his face and i said "baby, i've missed u". then he kissed my forehead and hugged me even harder. that was so sweet of him... that's why i'm so happy today... :)

then he called me in the afternoon, telling me he's working overtime tomorrow morning. i said ok. then it hit me... "wait, tomorrow's your off day. u're not supposed to work." he asked for overtime from 7am to 3pm. today, he's knocking off work at midnite. how the hell will he ever get any sleep!?

i guess my man really is crazy. but who cares!? i love him anyway........

guardian angel

2005-08-31T08:35:00.000+08:00

i'm really in love with this piece of art.

Tuesday's story..

2005-08-31T07:45:00.000+08:00

finally i'm done with my tasks for both projects. now i can breathe. they chose me and a few others to lead the pack for the client project. more power to me!! i feel like a dog being 'groomed' for a dog show. think i can shine in the end? hah! guess we'll just have to wait & see..
u know what. i'm having a bit of a crisis with my dearie. i dunno why. i've been snappy lately and he's being dismissive. we've got major problems and i'm just really freaked out about it. i dunno what to do. i don't wanna end up falling apart.... but it really feels like it. we haven't been seeing much of each other either. i can only wait till thursday to talk to him. then hopefully, we can sort it out..

Another week ahead..

2005-08-29T13:45:00.000+08:00

with tomorrow comes the prospect of yet another week ahead. another week of facing computers consumed with amounting projects and demanding deadlines. its week 2 and i'm counting down all the way till the end of week 8. then i can leave tep in peace and go back to classical without ever having to see another 8.30 till 6 day for the rest of my term in school. that's some motivation for your ass... anyway, i'm pretty contented with the weekend. morning surprises are always a fresh start to a brand new day. i pretty much locked myself up in the sanctuary that i so fondly call home except for the half hour i spent bringing my lil bro to the library. nevertheless, i managed to get the well-deserved rest that i've been yearning for without worrying that i'll oversleep. *yawn*... guess that's my que to bid u goodnite. well, nitez then...

Random rantings...

2005-08-28T09:00:00.000+08:00

bloody hot saturday afternoon and i'm freakin bored!! my baby's at work. the poor dear. he's been workin overtime the whole week even on his day off. then his bike broke down at tpe yesterday. guess its just not his week. even though we see each other every day, we don't really have time for each other. with me putting in 8.30 to 6 school days and his 9 hr shifts well, i have to understand the situation. i'm trying to be as supportive as i can but there's not a lot of time for me to squeeze in between his work, soccer and sleep. still.. he does little things that are so sweet. i was having breakfast last weekend with my folks at the airport and he showed during his break to give me one of the things on my wish list. he got me the charlie & the chocolate factory book!!! see.. even when life hits ya hard, its not that bad after all. love ya dear! mwah!!

Happy Bday to Me!!!

2005-08-17T06:53:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me!
happy birthday to me!!
happy birthday to me!!!
happy birthday to me!!!!

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yup, yup, yup! the day has come at last! i'm 18 to day!!! finally legal.. hahaha!! i'm so happy today. it feels great to be 18. wow.... my dearie's so sweet. we're kinda broke right now so we're gonna celebrate this weekend. at least we got to watch a movie yesterday. we watched wedding crashers. haha! it was a blast. so damn funny! anyway, we goin home last nite then he suddenly said "i'm sorry". i was like "why u sayin sorry?". then he said "i'm sorry we couldn't celebrate your bday. we didn't do anything special. i can't buy u a cake." that was so sweet. there i was so happy & dandy and he's sad coz he couldn't get me cake for my birthday. baby, its ok. i'm happy the way it is rite now. i don't need a cake. as long as i've got u, everyday can be my birthday. u got me my birthday prezzie. that's good enough. i'm really grateful that u're around. that's all that matters to me. we've got the weekend anyway. its my day, i won't let u be sad on my bday. join me & be happy....

to ying jia, happy birthday to u too!!!

Suffering

2005-08-14T07:21:00.000+08:00

i saw her lying there. still, motionless, barely breathing. i'm at a loss for words. her frail & fragile figure on the bed. it felt so surreal coz i've never seen her that way. her smile was gone. half her face was swollen. she could barely open her right eye. there were many tubes with one end connected to her body another end to bottles. i could see dark red liquid flowing from the tubes & dripping into the bottles. blood...

the smell of medicine & sterilised equipment is in the air. i hate this place. people suffer in here. u walk through each ward, past each bed, & the same sight greets u. people staring into space. they're all wearing the same thin piece of green cloth. glancing at u as if they're searching for a faint trace of familiarity. i used to be one of them. i hope i'll never have to join them again. i don't wanna be in her position...

we tried to keep it together. but one by one, tears flowed freely. its hard to keep it all in. she's always been nice to me. i hate seeing her suffer like this. even though she's physically weak, she remains strong for her loved ones. that 8 hr op pulled through. she be alrite. she just needs time to heal..

My hair is saved!

2005-08-12T07:41:00.000+08:00

my hair is saved! i decided not to reborn it. thank god i didn't. i permed it again. its nice & layered now. not too short. just nice that i can let it grow a couple more inches. hehe! :) did i mention that its for free? really... i didn't fork out a single cent. my friend's aunt works with this hair company that's gonna launch their new hair products for perms, rebonding, colour etc. they needed models to test it on. so i just volunteered. i figured "what the heck, my hair's already damaged anyway". i love how it looks now. i can style it & i don't have to worry coz my natural wavy hair will complement the look once it grows again. to all my peeps who advised me not to reborn, thanx so much. i would have made a big mistake if i had reborned it. curly hair really does suit me better. now i've got a smashing new look for my bday! by the way, they're still looking for models to perm hair. guys, if u want a dreadlock style perm; or girls, if u wanna perm your hair in any style of curls, pls contact Roseline 97638007. no charges, no fees, no strings attached. just go down to her studio on 22 or 23 aug, do your hair, take some pics & that's it. call her up for more info. she'll also give u professional advice & tips on hairstyles that are suitable for u. i've got no regrets.. :)

Beautiful....

2005-08-11T06:15:00.000+08:00

tasha got in the quarter-finals!!! she took part in the heats of devil's idol in devil's bar last nite. so glad she made it. this one's for u tasha!! she sang beautiful by christina aguilera. she pulled it off really well. i was kinda expecting it. she's got this beautiful voice & amazing talent. not to mention she's ace in the looks department. maybe needs to update her wardrobe. hey, i'm just giving my comments here. i'm definitely comin down to support her again. if i can manage it that is. nuff of that..

let's see.. what's on my agenda today? oh yeah. i gotta tutor my bro. his exams are comin up. got a mua (makeup artiste club) meeting later on. i've also gotta get my storyboard, flash & reports done. so much for slacking around today.. anyway, happy belated birthday s'pore!! don't forget my bday. its in 6 days!!! start the countdown....

What to do for the week break?

2005-08-09T05:54:00.000+08:00

its my term break now. i've got a week till monday. what to do? hmm... my birthday's comin up but i don't really have plans yet. its my 18th. hey i'm finally legal. haha! i dunno what i'm gonna do. probably have dinner, movie, etc.. sounds like what i always do every other day. even though its the big one eight, i'm not feeling it. u know what i mean? its like another day. i dunno. maybe i'm bummed out over something. i just can't put my finger on it. looking on the bright side, at least i've already set aside my outfit for that day.

I'm gonna wear my super-low roxy jeans with my brown leather roxy belt, green future state cami top, butterfly birkenstock papillio (a bday prezzie from my dearie), butterfly charm bracelet, engagement ring, 1st mth anniversary ring, engagement watch, green earrings......
uh-oh.. i forgot about my bag. now i'll have to figure out what bag to bring. i've got plenty of time anyway. gonna celebrate this weekend i think.. i know, its too early. what am i supposed to do? its not my fault that my bday falls on a tuesday of all days...

Miss ya girls!

2005-08-08T14:30:00.000+08:00

had an outing with a bunch of girlfrenz. its been a long time. we've all kinda drifted apart but we're tryin to hold on. we don't really wanna let go of this bond we've had since sec school. we had a great time. we shopped & talked & basically hung out. i didn't know they were into flea markets as well. its like an obsession now. u know what they say, one person's junk is another person's treasure. we were at tanglin mall. *sigh* sadly, i couldn't fit into this really cute top i got for $3. i did get a bag though. oh well, we're all waiting for the next one timberlux. we're planning to get all our stuff together and sell it off. that oughtta be a great project for us all. haha!! its in this kinda get togethers that u realize that your frenz are priceless. i wouldn't give them up for anything in the world.. just wanted u girls to know that i really miss ya loads...

Get the hint..

2005-08-06T08:15:00.000+08:00

to all members of the opposite sex, pls read this & don't get any funny ideas. its a reminder for u guys to piss off & stop bugging me...

i ain't lookin for a steady thing,
i ain't lookin for what love brings,
i'm still young & i ain't ready babe,
i'm still lookin for some better days.
i don't wanna give u everything,
i just wanna make u feel things,
u ain't gotta give me anything,
just throw it away....

don't assume coz i'm a woman that i'll fall in love
don't expect i'm young & need to be took care of
don't wanna hear u got what I need
coz how would know before we speak.
u better take what u can get
don't even bother with my heart
i get a feeling i won't let dissolve

please believe me i've down this road & back again
learned a lesson & it was that love is not your friend
the day i put my trust in u would be the day i say "i do"
don't expect me just to open up
maybe i'm just a little scared
please don't tell me what u think i wanna hear
oh baby save it i've heard it all before
there ain't nothing u can say to make me change

u've gotta understand my side
i've had a crazy, crazy life
nobody came around to open up my eyes
oh baby take what u can get
don't even bother with my heart
coz i got a feeling i won't let it go...

so stop falling, i said stop falling
u know u're falling for me
stop falling for me.......

I wanna be her...

2005-08-06T03:25:00.000+08:00

my dream idol. her name is naima. the winner of america's next top model round 4. she possesses such a suburban & edgy image that i'm inspired to be her. she started out hating her physical self, detesting her very own personality & soul. she hated herself, hated this girl trapped inside her. she overcame all the odds & came out looking & feeling beautiful. wish i had her strength & charisma. i feel like there are certain qualities she has that i stive to possess. she can be quiet sometimes, just like me. i wanna be her...

~don't ever try to be someone else. u should just be yourself~

but just being me is not enough. coz i'm not good enough.

~u're wrong. u're perfect just the way u are. there are people in this world that love u for u.~

really!? u're kidding rite? i don't believe it.. i just can't see it..

~open u're eyes. then u'll see how special u really are~

Feathers & sweet kisses...

2005-08-06T03:20:00.000+08:00

baby u made me so happy today. with your feathers & sweet kisses. mmm... yummy....

I am...

2005-08-06T03:15:00.000+08:00

I am passionate, & confident to the brim.
I am strong in my position, yet weak in my conviction,
I am full of pride, yet uncertainty overshadows it.
I need to have people around me, yet I wish to be alone.
I attract many, yet am attracted to one.
Love is what I give, love is what I take.
I am contented, yet I want more.

I am sensitive & emotional,
Mixed-up & insecure,
Black & white,
Happy & sad,
Here & there.

I'm more than some pretty face inside the train.
There's so much more to me than that.
Judge me not by my words but by my actions.
Then u'll see...
Its not easy to be me........

roxylady's life

End of the road

Water runs dry

Confessions of a broken heart

Baby Tintin

My First Nephew

Love actually

Life actually

The final stretch

Interview

Surprise

.......

..........

......

Songs for you

Happy Anniversary

Holiday Plans

Balcony

Multi tasking

Unforgivable sinner

Such is life

5 Variable Love Test

Selamat Hari Raya!!

Desperate Housewife

Melody

I think

More bday pics

Canon Shots

Tribute

as i was saying

ouch...

Life goes on...

Bad start to a bad weekend

he moved out

What the %$@#!!!!!

Just you & me..

Cry

Depression's kicking in...

Wasted weekend

Miss my makeup babies!

TGIF tmr!

You're hired!

I'm hot!!!!

i'm sick...

Lurrve the new do!!

My two cents worth...

Why women are great...

This song is my sorry...

Stop controlling me!!!

I'm still here...

I lost my phone...

25 days in 2006

Dreams

Blog makeover part II

Blog makeover..

I'll be ok..

What's up with all the coms?

Break time

Selamat Hari Raya!!

That is sooo rude.......

*Cough cough*

Stolen! Violated! Replaced!

Dinner with CC2

Dinner with the girls..

Mmm.. Pies...

I'm sleepy..

Four brothers rock!!!!

Its been a long time..

week 5..

calling, Calling, CALLING!!!!

*groans*

Go on.. go..

Bad day..

Moody..

Screams of a butterfly..

Sentosa!

New blog

Irritating bi-atch..

Best dressed girl..

Are u crazy?

Cough cough

groans